“Adam, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you,” I start, my voice barely above a whisper. “Something important.”
He leans forward, elbows on his knees, as he gives me his full attention. “Okay, I’m all ears.”
I take a deep breath, feeling like I’m about to step off a cliff. “It’s about that night at the club,” I say, my heart racing. “And, well, about me. Thefullme.”
His brow furrows slightly, concern flickering in his eyes. “All right.” He reaches out, pulling my hands to his. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I respond, nodding a bit too vigorously. “I mean, I will be. It’s just—what I’m about to tell you, I’ve never told anyone. Well, outside of my author friend group, anyway. So, it’s kinda weird for me. ” I pause, my heart a symphony of erratic beats. “That night at Nocté, I wasn’t just pushing my boundaries or trying to move past what my ex did … Though, that all played its role.”
“I get that,” he says, watching my every move.
“Well, that night, I was trying to embrace a part of me that’s always been hard for me to embody. It was liberating, scary, and ...” I trail off, searching for the right word.
Adam’s grip on my hands tightens reassuringly, encouraging me to continue.
“It wasempowering,” I finally say, meeting his gaze. “I’ve always written about these strong, sexually confident women. That’s my niche. But me, being like them? That was a fantasy. Until that night.”
I hold his gaze, hoping that my words convey their meaning.
He nods, his expression a blend of intrigue and support. “Well, I’m shocked. There’s more to Carlie than meets the eye. It’s almost as if she’s a dynamic woman.”
I chuckle, his words lightening the tension in my stomach a bit. “Way more, apparently. Which is why I write under a pen name. It’s how I express myself freely, without judgments or expectations. I wanted a safe space to explore. You know?”
“I get that, totally,” he says, his thumb rubbing gently across the top of my hand and drawing my attention for a moment.
I smile, trying to pull some of his support into myself. “So, not even the Dirty B’s—they’re my bookclub friends—they don’t even know this. But I wantyouto know. I want you to know all of me.”
He places his warm hand on my cheek. Then, slowly, he bends in, brushing his lips to mine. His kiss is slow and deliberate and takes my breath away.
When we pull apart, he says, “Carlie, whatever you’re about to share, know that it doesn’t change how I see you. You’re amazing, just as you are. And if you’re not ready?—”
I take in a deep, steadying breath, bolstered by his words. “Thank you, Adam. That means more than you know.” I pause, finding the courage to reveal my secret. “My pen name is Zoey Cummings.”
“Zoey Cummings? Wait a minute—I’ve heard of her.”Adam’s eyes widen slightly, a look of admiration and surprise mingling on his face. “Your books—they’re ...wow.”
I can’t help but laugh, a mix of relief and amusement. “Yeah,‘wow’is one way to put it. But writing as Zoey, it’s been more than just a career. It’s been a way for me to explore parts of myself that I’ve always kept hidden. Parts I was too scared to reveal to the people I surround myself with. So that night, I walked into Nocté with the decision to embody her and her confidence. I wasn’t Carlie that night. That’s why I was so—different.”
He squeezes my hands gently, his gaze intense yet full of warmth. “I think it’s incredible, Carlie. You’ve created this whole other world, this persona that’s empowered so many. And now, you’re embracing that part of yourself in real life.”
“You don’t think it’s weird?” I ask, biting the side of my lip.
He snickers under his breath. “No, not at all. I think it’s awesome.”
I exhale, feeling a sense of liberation with each word I speak. “That night—it was the first time I truly felt like Zoey. Because I went there not knowing who I’d end up with—if anyone—I was able to be confident, unafraid—in control. I did what I wanted with you without worrying about all the shit I’d normally let clog my mind. And I want to keep feeling that way. Not just in the shadows of a pen name, but in my everyday life. Withyou.”
Adam pulls me closer, his voice soft yet firm. “I’m here for all of it, Carlie. For Zoey, foryou, for every part of your journey. You don’t have to hide any part of yourself with me. I findallof you sexy. The whole package.”
His words wrap around me like a warm blanket, soothing the lingering fears and insecurities. In this moment, I feel seen and accepted in a way I never thought possible.
“We have a lot to explore, you and I,” he whispers, his breath warm against my ear.
I smile, leaning into him. “Yes, we do. And I can’t wait to start.”
The room feels different now, charged with a new energy and understanding. With Adam’s support, I feel ready to step into the light, to be more of the woman I am when I’m writing as Zoey Cummings. I want that empowerment not just on the pages of my books, but in the reality of my life.
After a moment of comfortable silence, a thought nags at me, pulling me back to a lingering mystery. My eyes drift to the envelope on the coffee table.
“Adam, there’s something else that’s been on my mind,” I say, sitting up slightly.