Give in, Eli, it’s just one text and they’ll probably say no anyway. It’s too late to make changes.
“Okay,” I agree and fire an unusually quick text to Arianna.
When she replies instantly, a ball in my throat makes me feel like I have a fur ball in it when I tell Sapphire, “You can come.”
“Well, this is exciting.” Sapphire beams.
“Yeah, I guess it is,” I agree again.
Is it exciting though?
Now this is real, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not ready for her to unravel my rhythm I’d set for the day. She’s twisting the day I imagined.
My stomach churns. I want her to be there because sometimes, when I lie in bed at night, I ache to see her. But spending the day with her makes panic creep into my gut. What if she notices things about me, like my checking and aligning, my just-right tendencies?
What if spending the day with her stirs emotions in me I’m not ready to face?
Like every time we’re together, my instinct is to say no to her, but somehow Sapphire just won’t let me, gradually pushing her way into my life one small step at a time.
And what the hell happened here?
I just handed her my balls, that’s what happened.
19
SAPPHIRE
I stare at myself in the mirror and make a face, unhappy with the dress I’m wearing. It somehow doesn’t feel right for Nathan and Arianna’s wedding. It’s much too flat and block-colored, and I’d prefer something in softer pastel shades. I turn around to check the back of it and decide I’m not loving the exposed zip-up back or the longer-length sleeves either, scoffing, “I don’t like it.” So far, every dress I’ve tried on feels wrong against my skin; the fabric’s too thick. I’d prefer something floatier, in chiffon, rather than beaded and bejeweled fabrics with elaborate necklines that I’ve worn to award ceremonies. What I need is something more appropriate for a summer wedding because tomorrow is supposed to be a scorcher. “I’m going to have to buy a dress,” I huff, informing Ghost, who isn’t interested in the slightest as he continues to watch theKPop Demon Hunterscartoon I put on for him on the television, because, yes, my crazy cat loves watching cartoons.
Locating my phone under a dozen rejected dresses lying on my bed, I text Mistee.
Me
Are you free?
Mistee
I’m on a date!
Me
What? Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?
Mistee
It just happened an hour ago. I met a guy in the coffee shop, we argued over who was getting the last chocolate muffin, and we hit it off, and the next thing I knew, he was asking me out for dinner.
I punch the air, feeling excited for Mistee. This is the first date she’s been on since her divorce.
Me
Is he nice? Are you having fun?
Mistee
I will tell you all about it on Monday. All you need to know is that he’s gorgeous and funny.
Me