Someone as beautiful, effortless, and bright as her wouldn’t look twice at someone as tense and buttoned up as the person I have become.
That’s why I intentionally haven’t let anyone get too close to me lately. I put myself in the off-limits zone for a reason. Until I’m healthy again, mentally, then and only then will I allow myself to date again.
When will that be?
It’s been over a year and still therapy isn’t working as fast as I would like.
One day I’ll be ready.
I hope.
8
SAPPHIRE
Irritation rising quickly and unmistakably, I’m annoyed that Kai spoiled my enjoyable coffee date with Eli.
I finally started to think we were making progress when he shared a few things about himself. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to see that when he trusts and relaxes, he opens up. Another coffee together, and he might have asked me out to dinner.
I’m holding on to a fantasy, but it’s a pleasant fairytale I will keep telling myself.
From a distance, I watch as Eli turns the corner, his broad shoulders and strong, confident frame fading from my view, which is a shame since he’s quite nice to look at.
“So, you’ve been away. When did you get back?” I ask Kai.
“I flew in two days ago,” Kai replies to my question I’m not that interested in learning the answer to.
He moves to the other side of the table, flips the chair around, and leans his arms casually on the backrest as he sits.
“You’re not my boyfriend,” I state firmly. He never has been.
“I know.” He grins, stuffing a piece of my uneaten muffin into his mouth. A baboon has better manners. “I thought you could use a break from the stiff.”
“Eli isn’t a stiff. He’s nice. Quiet. Thoughtful.” I find myself defending him, which puzzles me. Everything about him confuses me.
“Nothing like me then?”
“Thank the gods.”
He hugs the back of the chair, fingers tapping his forearm, and tilts his head as if considering his next question. “So… you two?”
“He’s a client.”
His eyebrows drop with relief. “Cool, cool. Wanna do something tonight then?”
“Nope.”
“Ouch. Yet another burn. That hurts.” He clutches his T-shirt over his heart, making the creases worse.
The last time I saw Kai, I told him how I felt. “You need to move on, Kai, because we’re not doing this anymore.” I motion to the space between us.
It’s my fault. I kept our casual relationship going for too long, giving him too much hope for something more.
I study him carefully, noting the things I used to like about him that I no longer find attractive.
“Well, this is the worst welcome home ever.” He beams from ear to ear, completely unfazed by my rejection. He’s a tough man—sorry, boy—to offend. At twenty-five and ten years younger than me, it’s only to be expected.
“I was serious about us being over, Kai.” I stand to leave, picking up my backpack and slipping the straps over my shoulders. “See you around.”