“It only started when my dad was diagnosed.”
“I figured that out too, Elijah.”
“That’s because you’re smart.” Smarter than me. “And kind.” I lift my hand and run my fingers through her hair.
“I love it when you do that.” She leans into my touch.
“I love doing it.” I never want to stop touching her.
Next, I admit something else I feel needs to be shared: “I always feel like I need to be in control, and the alignment thing helps me feel that way.” I pause. “Dad’s diagnosis makes me feel out of control. There’s nothing I can do to help him.”
“Yes, there is, Elijah.”
“There’s not, I’m not a medical specialist or a professor, I can’t fix him.” And the medication is decades away from a cure and then it will be too late.
“No, you’re not a medical researcher, but that’s not your job. Your job is to be his son and to be there for him. Support him. Visit him. Listen to him when he wants to talk. Play his favorite music. Tell him about your day. That’s how you help. By just being there, with him. That’s all.”
Her words hit me like a bullet train, shattering everything I’ve been overthinking.
She’s right.
I can help. When she breaks it down like that, I feel foolish. I almost made this whole thing about me, when it’s about my dad, and all he needs me to do is be there for him. As if the fog has lifted, the penny has dropped and I realize it’s not as scary talking about it.
The tightness in my chest loosens, my hands relaxing with relief, and when Sapphire smiles warmly, I know that hiding my condition has been worse than sharing it with her.
“I might have taken longer to decide on the venue for our staff conference because I wanted to spend more time with you.”
She playfully bites her bottom lip between her teeth before she admits, “And I might have lied about attending Nathan and Arianna’s wedding to get a better idea of your family’s values because I wanted to spend more time with you too.”
I go all fucking in, as if she’s guiding me to share more. “I’m falling for you.” I have been since the day we met.
“I’m falling for you, too.”
And that’s when a much bigger shift happens, our words bringing us closer together. It’s magical, transformational.
And afterward, when we leave the session hand in hand, in silence, I take her back to the yurt pouring my love into her through my touch, giving her my heart that has somehow belonged to her since the first day she walked into my office and changed my life for the better.
It doesn’t matter if we’re in a hotel or a yurt; it could be a tin shed for all I care. As long as I’m with her, nothing else matters.
It’s clear that this retreat was exactly what I needed, and Sapphire knew that too. She knows what I need even when I don’t, and letting go of control and putting trust in her, in everyone, is a game-changer for me.
I already know everything is going to be okay. Because when it comes to her, trust isn’t a choice; she’s showing me it’s easy.
36
ELI
“It’s been a long day.” Sapphire covers her mouth as she lets out a wide yawn and sits down on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but my T-shirt. She prefers to sleep naked, but she was cold last night, and I have a feeling I may have lost my shirt because she loves how it smells of me. She keeps lifting the neckline to sniff my lingering aftershave from wearing it on the ride here.
Unlike me, she shares every little thing she’s thinking or feeling. I’m learning a lot about her and from her.
I’m still buzzing from my circle-of-trust confession, impressed with myself that I finally told Sapphire what’s been holding me back.
“I’ve had a great weekend, have you enjoyed it?” she asks, looking up at me.
“I could make it even more enjoyable?” I suggestively throw her an irresistible grin. It might be almost midnight, but I don’t want to go to sleep. Not yet.
On the same wavelength as me, she reaches up and balls the fabric of the T-shirt I’m wearing into her fist and pulls me down for a kiss, nipping at my lips as if she’ll die if I don’t kiss her back. “Oh, yeah, how will you do that? Spank me, tie me up, Elijah?”