As I take another sip from the water bottle I grabbed from the refrigerator before I sat out here, movement from inside my bedroom catches my attention, and my pulse picks up a notch.
Sapphire.
She’s here, in my bed, sleeping peacefully, snuggling into my bedsheets that I might never wash again because they smell like her.
I’m not a sentimental man, but she makes me want to drop to my knees, fall at her feet, and tell her I would give her the world to ensure she never leaves me.
I know I can’t do that, and I know that’s my insecurity. I can’t keep her tied to the bed to make her stay. But now that I think about it, the image of Sapphire bound to my bed with my silk tie makes my cock bounce in my boxers.
Not now, Elijah.
I thought my chances of ever loving again were slim to none. Zero.
I was wrong. I know what falling in love feels like; I recognize the signs. The rush, the craving, the need to spend every minute of every hour with someone. But this time, it feels different, more intense. Like she’s already mine as long as I don’t fuck it up.
Since talking about Tia again, I’ve realized that I might not have loved her as much as I once thought. If I had truly loved her, I wouldn’t have asked her to chase her dreams the way I did. Deep down, I know that if I really loved her, I would have gone with her, but it’s taken me all these years for that awareness to finally hit. Tia wasn’t right for me, and vice versa.
The gray haze and cloudy vision I’ve been experiencing are finally beginning to clear. My world looks bright and hopeful, just like Sapphire.
If someone had told me a few months ago that the day Sapphire Feelgood walked into my office would change how I saw myself, life, and make me question everything about what my perfect woman looked like, I never would have believed it.
Sapphire isn’t just perfect for me; she’s perfect, period, and has stirred something inside me. I feel like a kid on Christmas who gets the only gift he’s been asking Santa for, wrapped in beautiful multicolored ribbon and glowing as if sprinkled with fairy dust.
That dust of hers is so potent it makes me feel safe, grounded, and I can almost feel myself unwinding.
The way she looked deeply into my eyes last night as we fucked made me feel more connected to her than I’ve ever felt with anyone. It was as if I truly belonged to her; in that moment, I felt completely calm. No foggy head, no need to plan, do, or straighten things out. Just be. With her in that moment. A pure moment of clarity. It felt exhilarating.
Watching her sleep from my seat on the balcony, warmth spreads through my stomach, remembering everything we did together.
We spent all night learning everything about each other, what we like, what we don’t, and fuck me, did she suck my cock like I was the best thing she’s ever tasted. She couldn’t get enough, getting herself off as she sucked me dry.
Her confidence is such a turn-on, and her knowing what she wants in the bedroom makes me want to do all those things over and over again to ruin her for anyone else until all she can think about is me.
My gut twists round and around, like a coiled pit of snakes at the unwelcome thought of her finding out about my just-right OCD and bolting at one hundred miles an hour out of my house.
I’m praying that doesn’t happen. She’s too special to lose.
Yesterday morning, she told me we could be perfectly flawed together, figuring things out as we went.
Her other words flood my memory.Unless you push me away, I’m not going anywhere, Eli. Good or bad… it doesn’t matter. We figure it out together.
I believe her, because she’s true to her word, but my brain needs to catch up with it all.
I’m going to make sure I don’t mess this up or push her away because after getting a taste of her last night, I’m even more addicted than I was before.
I drag my hand down my face. I know I can’t lose her, not now, not ever.
“What are you doing?” Sapphire’s groggy voice bursts my vulnerable thought-filled bubble.
“Thinking.”
“About?” She slowly walks toward me, wrapped in the comforter.
About how my heart would break if I lost you.“Things.”
I widen my knees to make room for her, patting my thigh and telling her to sit on my lap, driven by this desperate need inside to always be touching her.
Sapphire settles herself on my knee and snuggles into me, resting her head against my chest just as the sun begins to rise.