She let out a sigh, and her warm breath skittered across my arm. And there it was again.
That yearning.
My heart ached for what was to come in her life. For all those moments that not having a mother might cripple her. I hadn’t lied to Jake; there were so many amazing women throughout my childhood who had filled the role as best as they could.And I was so grateful. But I never had dance parties in the kitchen. I never had the Saturday afternoon movies snuggling on the couch. The shopping trips. The sharing of secrets and crushes. The tuck-ins and hugs and kisses goodnight. So much of motherhood was in the details. The small everyday bits. So much of it was in the security of knowing Mom was there.
Yearning.
This time, for a little girl I had no business yearning for.
I hadn’t meant to get attached.
But I began wondering if the whole idea of not getting attached to Jake Evans and his daughter was an idea based on an illusion. Which, by the very definition, was something impossible.
An impossible illusion.
As if the universe heard my musings, the door to Jake’s room opened. It was too early for Jake to be up, and I was about ready to order him back to bed when he spotted us on the couch. Instantly, I wondered how this might look to him. Sophie, eyes closed, looking completely relaxed and snuggled against me, my arm around her little body, and with me, eyelids heavy, half asleep.
If Jake wanted me to apologize for this breach of our contract, I wasn’t going to do it.
Not today.
Not ever.
Finally, he padded closer, moving around the couch until he reached my other side. He picked up the blanket and sat down beside me, scooting down until his legs rested on the coffee table beside mine. He settled the blanket back over all of us before he lay his head back against the couch, leaving me with nothing except the heat from our arms pressed together and his closed eyes. With not one word of explanation.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
His voice was half exasperation without heat as he declared, “Apparently, I am now unable to sleep without you next to me. And since you refuse to sleep by me in there”—he nodded toward his bedroom—“I’m going to try this way for a while. See if it helps.”
He turned to look at me, and with a soft glint in his eyes, he motioned downward.
“My shoulder’s right here.”
It was a moment too soft for sarcasm. Too unguarded for teasing. Instead, a sea of flutters started deep in my belly, curling my toes and hitching my breath before this wave of euphoria took an epic dip and began soaring toward an incredible summit.
With one arm curled around his, the other wrapped around his daughter, I laid my head against his shoulder. He rested his head against the back of the couch, sighing as he did so, and I remember thinking it was strange how a sigh could have so much feeling attached.
And that was the last of my thoughts before we slept.
The Hot Housewives of Eugene and their husbands
Tessa: Any updates on Jake and Shelby? I’m dying over here. Logan does not know how to give a proper relationship update.
Kelsey: I talked to Shelby yesterday. She was telling me all about the job she’s trying to get in Boise. She’s still moving.
Tessa: Dang it, Jake.
Logan: He’s got three weeks to man up.
26
JAKE
The endof July came by way of a never-ending round of hospital visits, Sophie, ranch duties, Shelby, hospital visits, Shelby, and internally watching the clock count down to when Shelby was scheduled to leave.
My mom was still in the hospital. She’d been about to be moved to another facility when her doctor had discovered some bleeding in her stomach and kept her there to monitor her blood levels. Shelby, Soph, and I visited her daily, bringing her an assortment of flowers, books, and some coloring pages from Sophie.
I spent my time fly fishing and horseback riding with guests, feeding cattle, ignoring phone calls from Cole Evans, who had flown back to Texas a few days ago, and finding any excuse in the book to see Shelby.