I could feel him shrugging. “Well…I don’t know what you think has changed but?—”
He groaned when my elbow hit its target.
“I just wish I had been more aware of what I looked like to people my whole life.” Explaining it only made it worse. So, of course, Jake couldn’t let it die.
“I’m going to say something that’s going to shock you, but you looked like Shelby Tucker.”
I smiled. “I’m not embarrassed. At least, I don’t think I am. Although, I have seen a few old pictures of myself that made me pause.” I ignored the snort from the man seated behind me. “I loved my childhood. I just sometimes wish I’d had more femaleinfluences in my life growing up. I wonder if that would have helped me out a bit.”
“Helped you out with what?”
“Ugh. Can’t you just agree with me and move on? Why all the questions?”
“I want to make you say what you’re thinking so we can both talk about how dumb it is.” Jake’s annoyed retort did exactly what he wanted.
I did say it. I said the thing that I had thought about myself since my first year of college, when my female pack of roommates treated me to my first makeover. All the things I had never done or had been doing wrong became the foreground for discussion. The bra that didn’t fit. The makeup I’d never worn. The eyebrows that had never been plucked. The gangly arms that only seemed to know what to do on a basketball court. The way boys had never looked twice at me.
“Maybe I wouldn’t have been so ugly back then.”
The words were out before I could take them back. Immediately, I glanced behind Jake to see how far Tom and Carter were behind us. They had dropped back an easy distance. I could hear little Carter’s excited chattering to his dad, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I could only be grateful.
“What makes you think that you were ever ugly?” Jake’s voice had an angry edge.
A defeated laugh sputtered out of me. “Listen, I’m fine now. I have never felt more comfortable in my skin than the past few months. I’m sure I had a sparkling personality back then, but I just had zero awareness of things like that. I wanted to beat you in everything we did together, and I loved basketball. That was my life. But that kind of life doesn’t get you experience, or dates, or help you understand how to talk to guys. It was a greatchildhood. I had friends who loved me, and I never doubted that, so it’s all good. It just set me back a few years.”
Now it was Jake sitting rigid in his seat behind me. I hated the tone my admission had brought to our lighthearted horse ride.
“You’ve always been pretty, Shelb. And I hate that you didn’t see it.”
“That’s the thing. I didn’t need to see it back then. I knew I was different, but I was the ballplayer. A guy’s girl. I didn’t need dates when I was hanging out with you and Dusty most nights. That was where I wanted to be anyway. It only became a problem when I was interested in guys, and I had no idea where to go from there.”
“Listen, I’ll admit, it does help that you have two eyebrows now, but—” He laughed and flinched backward when I poked his side. When we had settled again, he continued, his mouth near my ear. “But you were bigger than life. Your hair. Your personality. You were just fine, Tuck. I promise.”
“Thanks for all your help this summer,” I said, sinking into this cozy haze he’d created between us.
“Do I get paid extra if I get you dates? Because I had only been teaching you for a couple weeks, and you got a date and a kiss. My track record is impeccable.”
“A bad kiss, apparently.”
“You think you’ll go out with Easton again, in Boise?”
“Maybe.”
“Why Boise, by the way?”
I shrugged. “I just need out of Eugene. The office manager position seemed like a good fit, so I took it. I know it’s a long shot to get the photography job, but I want it. I feel like it’s exactly the change I need.”
“I just never figured you for a city girl.”
“It will be fine. It doesn’t have to be forever.”
We sat in silence for a bit while Jimmy walked us gently up a steep incline.
“Is Sophie with your mom?” I asked.
“My mom’s working tonight. She’s staying with Cade and Kels.”
“Has she done that before?”