But all of a sudden, here I was, once again, awkward and unsure. A couple of nights locked in a cabin with Chase and I discovered that the small crack of insecurity in my foundation never really went away. It got covered up and forgotten, but at the cabin I had to face it. I had to facehim.
Now, I’m left wondering who has cracks in their foundation from a thoughtless comment made by me?
My pride had been stung by this boy a long time ago. I bit back with humor and verbal jabs, which had always suited our tepid relationship just fine. It was all a game to him, and while he knew nothing of the real reason behind it, it hid something much deeper for me.
But that morning, I found myself awake, and for the first time since I arrived at the cabin, my body wasn’t shaking with cold. My skin felt smooth in the absence of goosebumps. My head lay nestled in that perfect spot on a man’s arm. His hand covered mine as it lay pressed against his chest. The soft rhythm of his breathing lifted our hands up and down, while one of my legs was thrown carelessly around his. All of this was wrapped neatly inside a large, flannel blanket.
At great risk to his own well-being, he had saved my life.
Chase Riley had saved my life. Now I lay next to this man, who once called me a dog, while he held me in his arms as if I were something precious.
And it’s making me second guess everything.
Chapter 9
We awoke on Thursday morning, coiled together like sleepy snakes. The fire had died sometime in the early morning. When I breathed, puffs of chilled, white air escaped my mouth. I lay with my head perched on Chase’s chest and my body nestled into his. I wasn’t sure if I was too embarrassed to make eye contact, or if I was too reluctant to move away from his heated body. Chase took a deep breath as he released my hand on his chest to rub his eyes for a moment.
My breath caught as the fingers on his hand that was curled against me, stroked my arm softly for just a second. Did he realize?
“You sure go through a lot of work just to sleep with me.”
I hit him on the chest as he laughed. Chase gently disentangled our limbs and pulled back the cover of our blanket, as he jumped up to add more logs to the fire, a rush of frigid air taking his place.
Two days until Christmas. Two days until Chase had to leave the cabin. I would stay, awaiting Matt and Gina’s arrival. It all seemed too fast. We had just gotten on friendly terms and soon he had to leave.
Chase touched the light switch and looked over at me and said, “fingers crossed.” He flipped the switch and to our surprise, the bulb flickered on, brightening the room with a hazy, yellow hue.
“Guess we aren’t going to starve today,” Chase said, as he wandered toward the hallway. “And I’m turning on the heat in all the rooms.”
I stretched my sore limbs before standing up. I don’t know why my body still felt so tired. My eyes squinted at the clock in the kitchen. Eight in the morning. I had slept for nearly fourteen hours. Did nearly drowning and being saved by a hot guy from hypothermia cause fatigue? I heard Chase step into the bathroom and turn the shower on while I started folding up the blankets that were strewn all over the floor. Either way, a little physical distance between Chase and I was probably a good thing at this point. I had basically used him as a human pillow all night, and enjoyed every minute of it.
I switched the laundry and flitted about the cabin, tidying up. Or told myself that’s what I was doing. I just wanted to be busy, or at least look busy so that when Chase emerged and I had to face him again, he might not be able to tell how much the night before had affected me.
I did inventory on our supplies. We had two large potatoes, one package of bacon, four eggs, a few granola bars, some oatmeal packets, hot chocolate, and half a refrigerator filled with fresh caught fish. When a fully dressed and delicious smelling Chase walked into the kitchen, I was proud to have something useful to report to him. Maybe if I talked about fish all the time, it would keep my mind from wandering back to his warm chest and light touch.
We were both sick of fish. Well, I was always sick of fish, but this time, even Chase admitted he wasn’t feeling it that day. Since neither of us wanted to expose ourselves to the memories of the place that nearly killed us the day before, we seemed to form some sort of silent agreement that neither of us would be venturing outside for our food.
“Would you like to share some of my bacon?” I asked, lightening the mood. The gleaming, annoyed look he shot me made the whole comment worth it.
That was the beginning of our new dance.
Two steps forward, one step back. Cha-cha-cha. The back and forth between the awkward and the familiar. Snark and sweet. Bold and timid. We had tread upon new ground the night before, and neither of us had found our steady footing. New territory was yet to be discovered. We now knew it was there, within reach, we just hadn’t found it yet.
In the middle of mundane tasks, like washing dishes or tidying up—our gazes would meet with sheepish smiles. Over and over it happened, until I was a bundle of nerves, and very much aware of how awkward my hands were. Even walking became difficult when I felt his eyes on me. At the table, eating our bowls of petrified oatmeal and two slices of bacon, his legs had brushed against mine… twice.
What was happening? It was Chase Riley for heaven’s sake.
All to myself.
Chase, for his part, remained a charming tease, but kept his distance. Well, as much distance as a nine hundred square foot cabin could afford.
Probably for the best.
* * *
It turned out the power was dancing too. It went back off after breakfast and flickered on and off throughout the rest of the day. We had granola bars and milk for lunch. Around dinner time, our growling stomachs kept us near the kitchen to be ready to fry up some fish if we had the chance. It didn’t necessarily sound good to me, but it was a hot meal, and warmth was something I craved.
We had spent a quiet day together. Chase lounged on the couch, reading a book he’d found at the cabin, while I spent time curled up in the easy chair, writing. I hadn’t planned on staying there all day, I usually did my best writing in my room, alone. But the warmth of the fire drew me like a bear to honey. I had Chase’s freshly washed sweatpants with my tank top, paired with his large sweatshirt. I also wore a pair of his socks, and I had never been cozier.