“She looks like my dog, but not as hot.”
He squinted down at me in confusion. “Huh?”
I chuckled dryly, an attempt to appear indifferent after all these years, but my heart pounded at the confession. “I overheard you say that to some of your friends in eighth grade. You were talking about me.”
“I never said that.” Chase looked horrified at the thought. His hand on my shoulder stopped rubbing. “Why would I say that?”
I pasted a light smile on my face, as though this conversation amused me. Even though the tension in the room had heightened. “It’s fine. It’s not a big deal anymore, but at the time… I think that’s why.”
He still looked confused, as if he were trying to piece together a time and place. I helped him. “You said it to Pete Davis by your locker in 8thgrade.”
“Pete Davis?”
“Yeah, he moved away that next year, I think.”
Awareness dimmed in his eyes, along with something else. Embarrassment? Shame? I found I couldn’t stand looking at it, so I added quickly, “it’s not a big deal, I promise. But you asked. That was probably why I had a hard time being nice to you.”
He was silent for a long time, while I imagined myself digging a hole in the ground, and never coming out. Why had I told him? Nothing could make it any better. He will now just feel awkward, and I’ll feel petty.
“I’m sorry.”
Wow. Whatever I thought he would say, a simple apology was definitely not it. And somehow, it made the whole exchange even worse.
Turning back to face him I said, “look, I shouldn’t have told you. I think all the smoke and cold is getting to me. It’s not a big deal, I get it. It was middle school. Everybody says stupid things. It’s not like I’ve thought about it every day since. I just overheard it, and then decided to find stupid ways to retaliate, I guess.”
He laid on his back, still looking contemplative. “You know, there was a time when I had just joined the football team and had been trying to get on Pete’s good graces. He was the captain. I would have probably said anything to try to make him think I was cool. But after I realized what a jerk he was, I left it alone. And then he moved.”
“I’m pretty sure he was the one responsible for spray painting the teacher’s lounge,” I added.
“Sounds about right.”
We laid in silence. My heartbeat drummed a million miles an hour in my ear. Why did I say that? Why did I mention it? It only succeeded in making me feel small and childish.
“Do you want to know what I wanted to do the other night when I saw you in your underwear?”
My eyes widened. “Chase, I promise, you don’t have to…”
“I wanted to kiss you. You walked past me, and it was all I could do not to… And then you started wearingmyunderwear and it was even worse.”
My mouth dropped open as I stared at him, stunned.
He held up his hands in peace. “I neversawyou wearing mine, I didn’t have to. I have a great imagination. So, tell that to your fourteen-year-old self. You’re hot.”
Fighting the heat rising my cheeks, I said, “stop. You don’t have to do this. I promise, I’m fine. Completely over it. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m the only female trapped in this cabin with you—if it were my grandma here instead of me, you’d probably be saying the same things to her.”
I laughed into his chest at the horrified face he pulled, but I had meant every word. I knew all this sounded like I was an insecure, little girl seeking reassurance from the man who did her wrong all those years ago.
And that’s exactly what it was.
I was that girl, and I needed reassurance. It was that simple. I had been fine without it because I never thought I’d see Chase again after high school. Never contemplated a relationship with him. Now, things were different. Now, I needed it.
“I had a crush on you in high school.”
My head shot up to meet his eyes. “No you didn’t.”
“I did. Ask Matt.”
“What? No way. He would have told me.”