He stumbles back, finally letting me go. A deep gash is on his forehead. Blood trickles down his face. The stunned expression on his face speaks to the fact that he never expected me to do this.
When he regains his composure, he rushes right at me and acting on instinct, I swing the vase at his head again. Once more, it knocks against his temple and he falters, this time, falling to the floor.
With a scream, I bring the vase down onto his head once more, not even realizing what I’m doing.
He doesn’t get back up.
Breathing heavy, I cling to the vase with all my might, ready to strike again in case he tries hurting me once more.
But my father doesn’t move.
His eyes are open but it’s then that I realize there’s no life left in them. No expression. Nothingness.
With a gasp, I drop the vase and it shatters on the ground, sending glass shards in every direction. I don’t even care about that as I drop to my knees. I have to check my father’s pulse. My fingers shake as I do that and my worst fears come true: he’s dead.
I killed him.
I back away from him on my hands. Pain shoots up my palm but I don’t even notice it. The shock coursing its way through my body is numbing any pain from the glass I would be feeling.
My dad is dead and I’m the reason. I never told Nik to kill him as I didn’t want his blood on my hands and yet, I literally have his blood on my hands. My father is truly gone because of me.
It’s at that moment the front door opens and Nik comes striding inside. He stops when he sees the commotion. Without any hesitation, he rushes to my side.
“Irina? Are you ok? What happened?”
“He’s dead,” I whisper, barely moving my lips. “I…”
Nik nods, understanding without me having to tell him. “Ok. How did it happen?”
“He attacked me and I…” I nod at the broken vase.
“Your hands are bleeding.” He grabs my palms and inspects them. “You have glass in them. You’re hurt. I need to help you before this gets infected.”
“I don’t even care.”
“How can you say that?”
“My dad is dead. I did it. I did the very thing I stopped you from doing and now I… I don’t know how to feel. It’s just… numb.”
“Ok,” he says slowly. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of you. I promise.”
“None of it matters now.”
“How can you say that? It still matters. We still matter. Don’t let this affect you. I’ll take care of you. I made that promise and I’ll keep to it.”
I pull away from Nik. “No. It was a promise you could never keep. Being with you puts me in danger. I… I’m not safe anywhere.” I curl into a ball and rest my head on my knees. Nothing makes sense anymore. I don’t feel a thing.
I can hear Nikolai move and then I feel his arms around me, picking me up bridal style. He doesn’t say a word as he brings me into the bathroom and I don’t offer anything in return. I can’t feel right now. The pain would be too much.
He sets me on the toilet lid and kneels before me, taking care of my hands. He cleans them and picks the glass out. He bandages them up. He’s taking care of me. It’s all I ever wanted from him but right now, I can’t seem to care. I can’t seem to feel.
I killed my father and I’m not sure I’ll ever come back from that.
“I never told you about my own dad,” Nik says. “He’s dead, as I’m sure you figured out. I didn’t kill him with my bare hands but… I was the reason he died.”
With a sharp inhale, I look at him. “What?”
“I hated him for how he treated me. When I saw an opportunity to gain my own power, I took it. The men I began working with agreed to kill my dad so I could come into power so I agreed. He’s dead because of me and you know what? I only felt guilt for a moment after it happened before I moved on. It was pointless being hurt over it. I got what I wanted and now, I’m happy with you. I know your father’s death is going to hurt for a while but in time, you’ll move on and you won’t feel regret. You’ll realize just how happy and free you’ll feel not being shackled by him a moment longer.”