I try to harden my heart. I want to be strong and shut out others, but Maisy has been there with me every step of my recovery. She knows this new woman I’m becoming. Well, the broken one. I need to make myself strong again and stand on my own. I should’ve been able to walk away or tell them nothing about who I am. But I just wanted someone to know me. The real me.
“Hey, I’ll be back in a few weeks. My aunt is getting married, and I want to be with her. She’s my only family.” Maisy’s voice breaks through my thoughts.
I stand up fast. “You didn’t just leave?”
“No, I couldn’t do that to you. Besides, I’m going to help you some more.”
“Why?” The word comes out long, full of pain.
Maisy walks to me and carefully wraps her body around me. “Us broken girls have to stick together. It’s how we beat them. I’ll be back in about three weeks.”
“Okay.” I wrap my arms around her and take the sympathy she’s offering.
When she finally pulls away, she hands me a phone. “It’s a burner. It has mine, Tink’s, and Shadow’s numbers only.”
“Thank you.”
As she walks out the door, another Handmaiden comes in and drops my bags down. I thank her, then curl up on the bed for a nap. My body aches everywhere, but I won’t take the pain meds. I need to keep my mind clear.
Two days later, I still haven’t left the cabin. Food is brought to me. I don’t want to be around people. A knock sounds on my door, but I don’t get up. They’ll go away. They always do. I keep lying there, staring at the wall with my back to the door.
I picture kind bluish-gray eyes staring back at me. They remind me of the sky before a snowstorm. I recall the moment he realized the danger I was in. My heart clenched, and I remember being turned on in that moment. He was tall and sexy, with long hair and a beard. But then he was shot. The instant the gun went off, everything changed. I knew I would never be the same.
His eyes still turn me on. Is that weird? His voice, when he sat next to me, was calming. I felt safe in the brief time he was with me. I wanted to tell him I knew who he was and that I was Stormy so much, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t put my family or him in that danger. He had already been shot once because of me.
The blankets are yanked from my body, and the mattress is flipped over, dumping me to the ground.
“Hey,” I yell as I come up, but my voice and body are weak from lack of food and liquids.
“You’re not killing yourself on my watch,” Shadow barks. “Come on.” She takes in what I’m wearing, and I look down.
I’m in a pair of leggings and a baggy T-shirt. I did put on a bra, but my hair is all over the place. It’s growing back after the hospital cut it so short, but it’s still not very long.
I slip on my shoes and follow behind her. I expect her to take me to the hall, where meals are served, but she leads me into the house and straight to the dining room. Instead of food, I find a woman standing there with what looks like hair-care products spread around her.
“I’ll grab you some food. You can eat while you get your hair done.”
Looking between Shadow and the woman, I can feel the tears starting. My hair has been damaged from the ends getting burned. No matter how much I deep-condition it, it’s still brittle and unhealthy. Some days, I just want to shave it and wear a wig.
“Have a seat, Jane.” The woman points to a chair. She takes a look at my hair once I’m settled, her fingers sifting through it. “What would you like to do with it?”
“I don’t know.” I don’t want to look like I did before. I know my face is structurally different, but I don’t want any part of my old life to touch this new one.
“I can trim it into a style and put a heavy conditioning mask on it.”
I turn to look at her. Her hair falls in long dreadlocks. It’s different but really cool.
“I wish my hair was long enough to do that.” I point to her head.
“Oh, these are braided in.” She fingers my hair again. “You know, it would be good to do something like this because it will protect your hair as it grows out. I’ll take you short so we can start fresh.”
“Do it.”
“I don’t have the locks here right now, but I can cut your hair today, deep condition it, and come back in a couple of days to braid them in. Sound good?”
“Yes, that sounds perfect.” It will be a totally different look for me, and it’s something I’ve often thought about doing in the past.
For the next couple of hours, she pampers me. I eat some meat and cheese and drink plenty of water. When she’s done, I thank her. I wish I could pay her, but I don’t have any money. That thought makes me wonder if I can get a job in town to earn some money for when I move away.