What the hell have I gotten myself into?
12
Rowyn
I’m nervous. So damn nervous it’s ridiculous. But I shouldn’t be. This is Jaxon. My childhood friend. The guy who I recently spilled my secrets to, who’s seen me at my worst, even carried me to the nurse’s office. The guy I trust more than anyone, and believe me, in my line of work, trust doesn’t come easily.
And yet… this is also Jaxon—my childhood friend turned hockey legend, the man with the easy grin and devastating eyes, and the one person I can’t afford to lose.
I slide into his car and smooth a hand down my new dress, the silky fabric whispering against my thighs. Yes, I bought a new dress. And yes, I might have splurged on sexy lingerie, too. Totally unnecessary for a fake relationship, but try telling that to my traitorous heartbeat. Will he think I’m ridiculous? That I’m turning this pretend date into something more?
Then he crosses in front of the car and all rational thought fizzles. I’m used to hoodie-and-sweats Jaxon—the comfortable version I’ve always known. But this Jaxon, in dark dress pants that fit just right and a soft sweater that hints at the strength beneath, is a whole different problem.
I blow my bangs off my forehead, pretending to be cool while my insides are basically doing the macarena. He slides in beside me, bringing with him the scent of fresh soap, crisp evening air, and something warm and familiar that is just… him. Jaxon.
He starts the car, but before backing out, he glances my way. His arm stretches behind my seat, casual but intimate, his gaze sweeping over me like a slow caress. “You look beautiful,” he says, voice low and sincere.
“So do you.”
Wait, what? My brain short-circuits. “I mean, you look?—”
“Handsome,” he finishes for me, a teasing smile tugging at his lips.
“Yes. That.” I exhale a laugh, tension easing, though the air between us still hums with awareness.
Then his expression softens. “Row,” he murmurs, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from my cheek. His thumb lingers, featherlight but enough to make every nerve in my body spark to life. “What we do tonight, it’s entirely up to you. If you’ve changed your mind…”
“I haven’t,” I cut in quickly, then force a breath. “But… I am nervous.”
“I get that,” he says, his tone low, steady, grounding. “We’ll go as slow, or as fast, as you want.”
Slow.
Fast.
God, I want it all.
“Okay,” I croak out.
“I want you to know that I’m clean, Rowyn. I haven’t been with anyone in a while and we get tested often. I also picked up condoms. I’m not sure what you want, but I wanted to be prepared on my end.” He lets out a humorless snort. “You know I’m not looking for kids.”
“Me either,” I blurt out. “I have an IUD, so we don’t have to use a condom if you don’t want, but if you don’t believe me, I understand.” He’s been tricked before, and I have a career to think about. I’m certainly not looking for any kind of long-term relationship or children.
Ah, but deep down that’s what you really want, Rowyn.
Before I can drown in that thought, words tumble out of me. “I saw him today.”
Jaxon’s brows draw together. “Saw who?” he asks, like he’s genuinely forgotten the reason behind this whole fake relationship.
“Hot coffee shop guy,” I say, trying to sound breezy, like I’m not melting under his gaze.
He lets out a short laugh, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Right. Of course. How did that go?”
“He must’ve seen the photos of us,” I say, twisting my hands in my lap. “He asked about you. About us. He actually seemed… curious. So I guess the plan’s working.”
Jaxon’s fingers tighten on the steering wheel, jaw flexing. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “Guess it is.” He looks straight ahead when he asks, “Did he explain why he stood you up?”
It’s clear he’s annoyed that someone would treat me like that, and I truly appreciate the protectiveness he always exhibits around me, and those he cares about.