And if I’m being honest, I’m not all that confident on the ice either—not in the way people think. I’m the enforcer. That’s my box, my brand. I’ve got that covered. But I hold back. I know I can do more, but no one’s asking for the skilled guy. And if I show it, and it’s not what they want, I could be sent down. Better to stay the guy they expect than risk showing the parts they don’t.
“No, it wasn’t easy,” I admit quietly. “I know it was for the best, but I always wonder… was there something I could have done?”
“You were a baby, Penn,” she says softly.
I shrug. I know she’s right, but when you’ve been left—no matter the reason—there’s this shadow that settles over you. A voice that whispers you weren’t worth keeping. And when it comes to my dad, there’s no sugar-coating it. He truly abandoned me. He’s somewhere out there, fuck knows where.
I glance at her. She’s watching me, eyes warm and unflinching, like she’s trying to hold some of my weight for me. “I thought she’d come back, you know? My mom. I thought if I followed the rules, did everything right, became exactly what people wanted, she’d see value in me and come back. Last we heard, she was out west. But that was a long time ago.”
Her throat works as she swallows, eyes glistening before she looks away. I don’t want her pity—I hate pity—but with her, I don’t feel the same urge to hide it. I don’t know why. Maybe because she’s carrying her own scars, and deep down, we’re both still a little lost.
“I’m okay, Jay.”
“I know,” she responds, but I see something different in her eyes. “I just… feel for the little boy who grew into a man, and never got to know his parents.”
I clear my throat. “Thanks.”
“Do you want to see her? Your mom, I mean.”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”
“Your dad?”
“He bailed too. I have no idea who he even is.” I shake my head, forcing a lighter tone. “Wow, this got deep for Christmas tree shopping, huh?”
“I like that you shared it with me,” she says, her hand finding my thigh again. “I’m guessing you don’t really open up much.”
I dodge the question. “Your two older brothers. They’re not going to mess with me, are they? Stealing the heart of their younger sister, and that I might not be good enough for her.”
She smirks. “Have you seen yourself? The guys don’t interfere in my dating life.” In a quieter voice, she adds, “Believe me, you’re good enough.”
Her words hit something deep inside me. “They didn’t go after the douchebag who humiliated you at the tree lighting?”
“They were both away at college. They only saw it after the fact. And no, they didn’t go after him.”
“I would have.”
She makes this little sound—half gasp, half disbelief.
“You mean if you were my brother?” she asks.
“No,” I say, my voice firm now. “I mean if I’d seen the way he treated you that night, I would have torn him a new one.”
Her mouth falls open. “Penn… you were there.”
“What? No. I wasn’t there. I’ve never gone to a single tree-light event growing up. Not one.”
Her brow furrows. “But… I saw you. In the crowd. Just before we lit the tree up.”
I stare straight ahead at the road, the memory stirring to life. “Yeah, I was there. I forgot. It was a couple days before Christmas, right? Like the twentieth or twenty-first?” She nods and I continue. “Elaine asked me to go to town to get a box of cereal. That was Flake Appreciation Day?”
“Flake Appreciation Day?” I glance sideways at her, her eyes silently asking if I’m serious.
A grin touches my lips. “Aunt Elaine,” I answer in response, those two words saying everything.
She laughs, the sound bright and warm. “Right. Flake Appreciation Day means you…”
“Eat flaky cereal,” I finish, grinning.