My hotel room is dim, only the faint glow of the string lights above my window casting soft shadows across the walls. I’ve been curled up in the bed I’d shared with Penn for a couple days now, the weight of the blankets no match for the heaviness pressing against my chest.
Dad called earlier to check in on me, wanting me to come home to watch the Grinch. It’s our favorite family tradition, but I just want to lay in this bed, tucked away from the real world. Everyone thinks I’m hiding because I’m angry. Because Penn ruined everything. But the truth is… I’m not mad at him. Not at all.
I keep replaying the moment in my head. The way he stepped between Dylan and me, the way his jaw set, the fury in his eyes. He didn’t hit Santa for himself. He hit him for me. Because in that moment, I mattered more than anything else.
And God help me, I love him for it.
What breaks me most is that he’s probably sitting somewhere right now, tearing himself apart, convinced he ruined me, convinced he isn’t good enough. Penn has always been his own worst enemy, and I know he’s drowning in it. I want to call him. I want to talk, but he hates himself, and no doubt thinks I’m better off without him. I need to give him space, time with himself to figure things out.
I push from my bed and walk to the window, the gift I bought Penn wrapped and sitting on the desk. Will I ever be able to give it to him? I turn, and a small laugh escapes me despite the heaviness in my chest. The creepy elf—the one we’d both claimed wasn’t judging anyone—has been put back in the room, perched on the shelf like it’s silently keeping tabs on me. Its plastic eyes glare in my direction, and for a second, it feels like the elf really knows everything that has gone down.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, shaking my head. “I know. You’ve seen it all and I know what list I’m on.”
A knock sounds at the door, startling me. It could be Belinda or Jaxon’s parents, who’ve been bringing me food and have also been keeping tabs on me, but I have zero appetite tonight. I jump back into my bed, bury my face in the pillow, and pretend not to hear.
Another knock. Louder.
My heart stutters, because when I don’t answer them, they don’t persist.
Who is at my door?
And then…his voice. Rough. Unsteady. Aching in a way that makes my own chest splinter.
“Jay. It’s me.”
I press my hand to my mouth, biting back a sob.
Penn.
He’s here.
Back in Snowberry.
But…is he here for me?
Us?
“Please,” he says, desperation threading through every syllable. “Don’t shut me out. Not yet.”
Tears blur my vision. He really thinks I don’t want him here. That I hate him. That I could ever hate him. I sit there, trying to breathe, to think…to make my legs move.
He keeps talking, words tumbling like they’re being ripped from someplace deep. “I screwed up. Worse than I ever have. I embarrassed you, I hurt you. I should have had more control, done better. And I will regret that until the day I die.”
I shake my head into the pillow. No, no, no. That’s not what happened. That’s not what I feel.
“But I need you to know…” His voice cracks, broken and shaky. “…I love you, Jaylynn. I love you so damn much it terrifies me. And if you never forgive me, if you tell me to walk away right now, I’ll do it. But I couldn’t let another night go by without saying it.”
He loves me…
My whole body trembles. Not from anger. From the sheer force of his love, his guilt, his inability to see that what he did wasn’t failure, it was proof. Proof of how much I mean to him. Proof that to Penn Radford, I am worth fighting for.
The tears spill over, hot against my cheeks. I can’t let him stand out there thinking the worst for another second. My legs move before my brain can catch up, and I stumble across the room. My hand trembles as I twist the lock.
The door opens slowly, and there he is. Shoulders tense, eyes haunted, clutching something in his hand. He looks at me like I’m the air he hasn’t breathed in days. And all I can think is, he has no idea that the only thing broken here is him, and all I want is to put him back together. I reach for the man I’ve loved this entire time, my hand trembling.
My voice is barely more than a whisper. “Penn…” He flinches, like he’s not sure if he deserves to hear my voice. I capture his rough, calloused hand and pull him a little closer. “You… you didn’t ruin anything. You stood up for me. For me. That’s… that’s everything.”
His eyes widen, disbelief flashing across his face. “Everything?”