While Sara made it sound no more exciting than a stroll down the produce aisle, it made Josie flushed and uncomfortable, even in the air-conditioned room. “That’s even worse! I can’t have sex with my orthopedic mentor.”
There could even be rules against that, for all she knew, never having looked into the hospital fraternization policy. Besides, not that the guy was easy to read, but from what she could tell, Houston wasn’t all that impressed with her. Intellectually or physically. Josie was used to men dismissing her on both counts, and Dr. Hayes appeared to be no exception.
She added, “I’m sure he would laugh hysterically at the prospect of having sex with me. He doesn’t even like me. At least I don’t think he does.”
He sure in the heck spent a lot of time frowning at her. Probably trying to determine how a clueless idiot like her had survived medical school.
And he never smiled. Not at her.
Of course there was that other look he gave her sometimes, the deep and penetrating look that made her want to glance down and check to see if her clothes were on. She had convinced herself she was imagining it, that it was the wishful thinking of a sex-starved imagination, but maybe she wasn’t.
“Sometimes, Sara, I catch him staring at me, and I swear, he has The Look in his eye. But that’s crazy, I must be wrong. I know I’m wrong.” She fanned her face just at the thought of Houston’s eyes sweeping over her body.
“What look?” Sara paused with her coffee mug halfway to her mouth.
Josie glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention to them and lowered her voice to a barely audible whisper. “The If-we-were-alone-I’d-rip-your-clothes-off look.”
It wasn’t a look she had seen oftenin her life, given that most men saw her as a cute, cheerful companion. Someone to hug and pet. Like a living Care Bear. But the few times she had seen that kind of sexual intent were burned into her memory.
Sara set her mug down. “Are you sure?”
“No, I’m not sure.” It could be a total delusion on her part, brought about by poor sleeping habits and lack of sexual release.
After all, Dr. Hayes washot.He could have any woman he wanted, she was sure, so why would he want her, a colleague with a questionable grip?
“My life is ruined,” she wailed. It was so like her to do something as idiotic as falling for the man who held her career in his hands.
“Don’t be so dramatic, Josie.”
“Easy for you to say.” Tall and thin, with dark glasses, Sara looked studious and was taken seriously. “People respect you. I always have to prove myself over and over again before I’m taken seriously.”
It was the curse of being cute. She was embarrassingly short, taller only than the average sixth-grade boy, and for ease of styling, wore her brown hair cropped. She had also been born with dimples, which didn’t aid her cause.
Add to all of that her natural buoyant personality, and most people dismissed her as much younger than she actually was. It was Doogie Howser syndrome. Which was why it was so frustrating to be contributing to that prejudice by her own behavior with Dr. Hayes.
Sara blotted her lips with a paper napkin. “Do you ever worry that by becoming a surgeon, you’re denying your natural self? That maybe you’re meant to do something more...whimsical.”
“Whimsical?” Josie sat back and wondered how she could ever have thought Sara was her best friend. “What do you want me to do? Twist balloon animals? Make hemp jewelry? I had a 4.0 grade point average in college. I graduated magna cum laude!”
She didn’t care if her voice went a little loud. She was proud of that gold braid she’d gotten to wear around her neck at graduation.
Stirring another packet of cream into her half-empty coffee cup, Sara shook her head. “That’s not what I meant. But you’re also a social, cheerful person who is in a profession that is made up of a lot of arrogant men who don’t go in for conversation. It just seems to me that having to deny the gregarious and fun-loving side of your self every day has you rattled.”
Interesting theory and not as offensive as Josie had originally thought. But she knew what had her rattled, and it wasn’t having to slow down her motormouth.
“Thank you, Dr. Phil. But I think it’s a lot simpler than that.”
She just wanted to jump Dr. Hayes’s bones. Simple. “But?—
Josie shook her head and held her hand up. “While surgery may not exactly be fun-loving, even if I wanted to I couldn’t back out now. People would think I was insane, and I would have to be, to toss out all those years of education and money. I just want Dr. Hayes to treat me like any other physician, like acapableand completely non-sexual physician.” If she kept telling herself that, maybe she would start to believe it.
“But how is that going to happen if I’m falling all over myself and blushing every time he’s near me?”
“I don’t even know what you see in him,” Sara said, her brown eyes puzzled. “He’s so cold.”
What did she see in him that made her pulse jump and her hands shake? Beyond the handsome face and rock-solid body, that is. “He’s brilliant, Sara. The man is absolutely calm during surgery, confident without being arrogant. He knows what he’s doing.”
She felt her insides turn to oatmeal just thinking about him. Her hand propped her head up on the table as she continued. “He’s so focused on being a fantastic surgeon that he has this amazing tunnel vision. Nothing else around him matters.”