And I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.
24MAL
Skylar:I’m sorry
I stare at the message, the first he’s ever sent me, and it does my head in that it sits right above the unanswered texts from Chris Morris, like a fork in the fucking road.
How’s it a fork in the road when he doesn’t want you here, dumbfuck?
For once, the voice in my head is my own, and I hate it as much as I hate how long it took Skylar to calm down enough to send me that message. Thatfour dayslater, I still can’t get it together enough to reply.
It’s Monday night. I’ve spent all weekend at sea with Sol, limiting his solo fishing trips, and I haven’t set foot inside the Joker since Skylar walked out on me. But Jack and Sol are starting to look at me like I’ve lost my mind, so I show up for dinner, slipping through the door Jack mended without asking what happened to it. I sit next to my brother, seeking comfort in his closeness, and try not to fixate on the empty seat beside me. Or the terror-fuelled fury in Skylar’s fractured stare, and the fluttering sensation that’s been trapped in my chest since he left.
It’s a tough gig. And Sev, back for the first time in a while, he gives zero fucks for subtlety. “Where’s Skylar at and who pissed on your chips?”
He speaks as Oscar comes to the table, tugging his shirt down after jabbing his insulin.
Oscar’s cinnamon gaze strays to Skylar’s empty seat. “Everything is okay?”
He’s askingme. Which gets Jack’s attention. And I have nothing but a shrug, because I don’t fucking know. “I haven’t seen him.”
Jack frowns, a glass water bottle half way to his mouth. “I saw him yesterday…I think…” He glances at Sol, abrupt anxiety marring his rugged features. “Was that yesterday?”
Sol leaves whatever he’s doing at the stove and comes to Jack, dropping his hands to his shoulders. “It was yesterday,” he confirms, holding Jack’s attention as if he’s suddenly afraid he’ll lose it. “Skylar came home and slept a couple hours, then he left again to pick up a bank shift.”
It’s my turn to frown. “A what?”
“Overtime.” Sol doesn’t take his eyes off my brother. “Guess he needs the money after you two rinsed that tax bill.”
I glare at Sol, bracing for Jack’s reaction. But it doesn’t come, and I realise my brother’s left the room. Not literally, but he’s staring at nothing with such intensity he doesn’t notice Sol is holding his face now. Or Oscar reaching across the table to take the water bottle from his hand.
Quiet falls on the room, and it’s fucking eerie. I feel it crawl under my skin and garrotte my heart as Sol calls Jack’s name.
Softly.
Gently.
Coaxing him back from wherever he’s gone, brushing his thumbs across my brother’s cheeks as Jack’s eyes stay wide and pinned on something unseen.
“Jack,” he tries again. “Come back, love. We miss you.”
His tone is light, almost teasing, but Sol’s face tells a different story, and for the unending seconds it takes my brother to respond, I feel like fucking weeping. Like I already am. My hands fist. My heart hammers as if I’m two breaths from stepping on an IED. I miss Skylar like I’m fucking dying, and only Oscar’s comforting hand over mine keeps me alive.
Jack finally blinks. He takes a sharp breath, and an awareness so profound floods his face it’s even more obvious how far gone he’s been.
He grabs Sol’s wrists and his eyes seem to shudder before he’s fully conscious again and he picks up the fragments of our abandoned conversation. “Where’s Skylar?”
“Work.” Sol’s hands still cradle Jack’s face. “You need him to come home?”
Jack gives a slow head shake, and his gaze slides to me. “Are you okay?”
No.
I’m really not. I thought I knew the beast of my brother’s injuries. The scar under his hairline. The barely there limp when he’s tired and the deep frowns that fold his face in half. But this…it’s something else. A reminder—awarning—that the brother who used to carry me on his back can vanish right in front of me.
And I’m as scared of losing him as I am of losing Skylar.
Vinnie’s phantom laughter keeps me company for the rest of the night. Pissing himself in both my ears long after Sev and Oscar leave, and Jack and Sol go back to work.