It should’ve killed me to leave her just weeks before her scheduled C-section, worry wedged in my heart for her and our unborn children. But as we rode through the dead of night to wherever Folk wanted to lay Rocco to rest, I felt no fear. Our babies would wait for us—they’d wait forhim. For Locke. Of course they fucking would.
We rode on, Folk leading, Viktor guarding the rear, and the air changed, mist giving way to sea fog, the harsh winter breeze picking up. Like home, except it wasn’t—not mine, anyway.
Folk left the main road and we followed him through the marshy fenlands to the coast. Eventually, we came to a gate where we left our bikes and hiked to a beach not visible from the country lane. Fine sands and shallow bays, even at night it was beautiful. Easy under foot, which my mashed leg appreciated, the wind gentler than it was at home.
Didn’t stop Locke checking on me, but the others—Folk and Ranger—they didn’t look back, and I knew why.
Rocco.
They’d known him longer. A childhood friend as much as a brother, and this... as much as this chapter in our lives had hurt Locke and the rest of us, it had hurt them more.
Another gust of wind whistled up the beach, blowing ashore from the sea. The tide was in, but in this part of the world, the ocean still lay a good distance from us, even as we reached an invisible line in the sand and Decoy stopped, catching my arm, the words he didn’t speak clear in his steady gaze.
Wait.
I stopped, my boots sinking. Viktor flanked Decoy and the rest of our brothers—ourlovers—kept walking, Folk still leading, Ranger and Locke mirroring me and Viktor. The symmetry was kinda beautiful, but my heart was heavy as the distance between us grew. I longed for Orla and the wriggling mass of lumps and limbs her belly had become. Her fuller lips and sweeter scent. Her wise words.
Need her.
My phone burned a hole in my pocket, the secret folder of ultrasound pictures we’d showed no one, the photographs Locke took of her growing bump every week.
“You think you’ll remember, queenie, but the years fly by so fast, sometimes you don’t.”
Beside me, Decoy took a measured breath as quiet as he was, but it snapped me out of a hard daze. In the distance, our brothers had reached the sea and Folk knelt by the lapping waves, opening the bag he carried.
Damn.
I shut my eyes, fingers itching to mark the cross on my chest like my nan always had whenever death lingered close, my chest tight with grief I still didn’t really understand. Rocco St John had been in my life a long time. We’d fought as teenagers and he’d put me down. Not because he was stronger, just brighter. Smarter. In hindsight, it was easy to see how he’d been Folk’s best friend, but I hadn’t known he was a dad too until the last time I saw him.
Twins.
A shiver passed through me, and instinct coaxed my eyes open.
Folk scattered Rocco in the wind and walked into the sea.
15
NASH
Locke and Ranger followed Folk into the dark waves. Watching from afar, Viktor sank to one knee, passing wet sand between his fingers.
Decoy didn’t blink. Didn’tbreathe.
Me? My tears froze in the wind until a sudden downpour washed them away.
After, too wet and cold to safely ride home, we left the beach and headed further north through the storm, to the Whitlock farm two miles from where we’d laid Rocco to rest.
It was still dark enough to be considered nighttime, but Folk’s parents expected us. Warm lights lit the long driveway, and as we reached the old farmhouse and dismounted, the front door opened and two tiny boys ran out. ToRanger, the brother they called Uncle Ash.
Fucking-A, I wasn’t ready for that. Couldn’t watch. I went to Locke instead, seeking the comfort he probably needed more than me. I stepped into his waiting arms and held him so fucking tight. “I love you.”
Beneath his wet clothes, a deep breath shuddered through him. “I fuckin’ love you too.”
“You okay?”
“Will be. Sounds fucked up, but we needed this.”
Of course they had, and it killed me I’d never thought of it as much as it had hurt Saint to suffer his epiphany. He didn’t bear guilt well. It ate away at him, but I’d sensed his presence at the beach, even if I hadn’t seen him, and I hoped to God he’d found closure in this too.