“Rather drink piss from my shoe.”
Nash grinned and sorted himself out. Then he came to sit beside me, stretching his legs out, massaging his thigh. “Orls said to tell you she’s sorry for winding you up about Embry.”
“It’s not true?”
“Oh, brother, it’s true. But she didn’t need to rub it in your face like that. No one likes to hear about their people fucking someone else.”
“I’m all right with that part.” I took a moment to measure my words, unsure of how much our brothers knew about Embry’s history these days. Who could stand to know and who couldn’t live with the truth. “It’s nice to think that he, uh, had fun.”
Nash’s steady gaze didn’t waver. “I feel that way about Locke—with women, anyway. Can’t say I enjoy thinking about him with other men.”
“It’s different?”
“It shouldn’t be. But I’ve always been territorial over Orls, and maybe I wouldn’t be if she was into birds too and I was less of a basic bitch.”
Nash wasn’t basic, or a fucking bitch, but my brain was too crowded with other shit for me to be nice and tell him so.
I leaned forward, elbows on my knees. Nash rubbed my back, and it reminded me of Locke doing the same for me when I’d pitched forward in the hospital waiting on Embry to survive his surgery. They were different people—vastly fucking different—but their heart was the same.
“What are you going to do about the Juana thing?”
All right. Maybe they weren’t the same. Locke would definitely have left that shit alone.
I swiped Nash’s coffee mug and tipped a mouthful down my throat. “What the fuck am I supposed to do about it? Cut her security and let her take her chances out there?”
Nash flashed a grim smile. “That’s not an option and she knows it—Orlaknows that. But there has to be a way of separating her privacy from you. Unless there’s something between you, her, and the good father that could settle this down.”
I cringed. “I don’t want to fuck Juana, and I’m pretty sure she’d set my dick on fire before she wanted to bang me either.”
“What about Embry?”
“The fuck are you smoking?”
Nash laughed. “Not a lot these days. Just trying not to assume I know what you’re thinking. Cam being poly as fuck has always made sense to me, but it was years before I knew that shit about myself.”
“I’m not fucking poly. Embry’smine.”
Still laughing, Nash snatched his coffee back and I considered punching him, but he’d got me thinking too much and I sank into another clusterfuck head spin. Not about banging Juana. Or even Embry banging Juana. Not really. More that maybe I was selfish not to let it happen—I mean, if he was that fucking good... she deserved that, right? And she’d be safe with him?—
“Mats.” Nash clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t get in your head about it. Everything you do is to keep her safe, and she knows that. We’ll figure out the rest of it, I promise. Don’t be sitting there thinking you’ve fucked up, cos you haven’t.”
I probably had. Usually did. But I appreciated the sentiment and took advantage of Nash’s pragmatic personality to find a solution. “What would you do if it was Orla?”
“You mean whatdidI do. But the answer is complicated, my brother. I was in love with Orla and the thought of her going out to meet someone else was a dagger to my heart. That’s why I put Locke on her detail. Cos I knew there was something between them, even after her and me got our shit together, and I was okay with that—more than okay.”
“Because you wanted him too?”
“It wasn’t that simple, but yeah.”
I blew out a breath. He was right, this wasn’t the same. And did I wish it was?
Probably not?—
Definitely not. If Embry was going to fuck anyone, it was gonna beme.
I rose from the couch, ignoring the dancing spots in my vision. “I’m gonna go see Em.”
“At the farm?” Nash caught my elbow. “Maybe you should go home and wait for him there.”