Course it was. I relaxed again. Kind of. The sense of something undone still ate at me. “I meant it when I said thank you, for all you do for my kids.”
“I know.” Locke pulled me in for a hug. “Just don’t forget that you went to a fuckin’ folk festival for mine.”
I had forgotten that. On purpose. Snuffed it out with a resolution to never soberly attend anything Nash and Rubi liked ever again. But I took Locke’s point, and his affection, and used it to get my shit together in time for Nash and Orla to join us.
Orla was massive. Way bigger than Juana had ever been. It suited her, though, and I knew it was because I’d never seen her happy before.
Not that she was all that happy withme. “What did you do to Juana?”
“Me?”
“Yes,you. She made you breakfast and you didn’t even eat it.”
“When?”
“This morning.”
This morning seemed a lifetime ago. I held my hands up, already surrendering. “She never said anything about breakfast. Just bitched me out about security and kicked my furniture.”
Nash’s ears pricked up. “What’s wrong with her security? Something happen?”
“No, she’s just fed up with being followed around.” I glanced at Orla as Locke offered her his seat and she refused, already rolling up her sleeves and inspecting Ranger’s flawless work. “You used to get like that too, right?”
Orla shrugged. “Wouldn’t you? I had no privacy.Thisis what I tried to say the other night when I screamed at you instead.” Locke, not me. I’d heard about that too. “Everywhere I went, everything I did, whoever was on me went running to my dad or my brother. Do you know how hard it is to get—oh.” Her eyes widened. “That’s it, isn’t it?”
“What is?”
Orla spun to face me proper, hands on her curvy hips. “Honey, your baby-mama needs to get laid.”
Her declaration deadened the air. For me, anyway. Nash had already put himself to work in a different room, and Locke was apparently fascinated by the floorboards. “What the fuck does that mean?”
Orla shot me an impatient look. “It means what I said.Thinkabout it. She’s been alone since Raul died, and she probably sees no prospect of that changing anytime soon.”
“Whose fucking fault is that?”
I knew it was crazy, and I grumbled it under my breath, but Orla heard me anyway, and she was suddenly right in front of me.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
She leaned down. “Say it again.”
Don’t.I knew better. But above all else, I never missed the chance to be a complete fucking idiot, and the words flowed out of me, sealing my fate. “Juana needs to be with someone who understands this life. Who’s safe around my kids—wholikeskids, and when she got here there were two options. But Folk nicked Decoy, and youpinched him.” I jabbed a thumb at Locke.
He cringed. “That gets weirder every time you say it. I was never going to hook up with Juana.”
I knew that. I also knew it was a horrendous thing to mourn how convenient it would’ve been for me if shit had been different. But the thought of a stranger around Juana, around my kids, gave me fucking hives.
Couldn’t hide from the fact that Orla was probably right, though. Some shit Juana had said recently—to me, to Em, it was starting to make sense. “All right, so not you then,” I said to Locke. “But who else is there?”
“Who else is there for what?” Nash wandered in, covered in dust, no limp for the first time in forever.
“Juana needs to get some.” Orla skewered me with another eat-shit glare before she moved to Nash’s side and gave him the love he deserved. “Mateo thinks Locke should do it.”
Nash blinked. “Eh?”
“Not what I said.”