Alexei slipped his phone in his pocket and did something to the bed that helped me stay upright without bearing so much weight. When I was settled, he somehow forced me to stare at him without changing his expression at all. “I am a difficult person. So is Saint. So is Cam. Ishardsometimes to find the edges that bend. But we have this love, no? You understand this, I know you do. Is... unrelenting, above anything else. We can be angry. We can be hurt. But what binds us together does not fade.”
“So you are pissed off?”
A ghost of a smile twitched Alexei’s lips. “Of course. But I will get over it. And I would not say this to Cam, but I will say it to you: he was right not to tell me. His suspicions of what I would do and the consequences of that were correct. And he did not tell Saint because he lives in fear of me feeling so isolated that I would leave. But I will not leave. In time, he will understand this, butyoualready do.”
A sharp throb sparked in my fucked-up leg. It hit me like a train and I fought to stay in the conversation. “Why would you think I understand anything?”
“I have seen it. When Locke was angry with you, you did not truly fear he would leave you, because you trusted the love between the three of you to hold. And you were right. Cam, Saint, me, we are different people, I agree, but the love is the same.”
He spoke as if it was no big thing, but his sentiment choked me. I brought a shaky hand to my mouth, eyes burning while he stared at me like a fucking owl, the pain in my leg kicking up to high gear.
I rubbed my lips. “It wasn’t just that. I mean, I did trust that Locke loved us enough to stay. But I remembered wishing he was around to be as angry with me as Folk was that we hadn’t told them about Priest. So when he was—when he fuckinghatedme for it, I still felt kinda blessed.”
Dizziness rocked me, dark spots dancing in my vision.
Alexei planted cool hands on my shoulders. “We are all blessed, brother.”
“But you’re okay? You and Cam? And Saint?”
“Of course.” Alexei’s gaze deepened, letting me in. “You do not need to worry that what happened with our interloper has hurt Cam’s relationship with Saint and with me. We are stronger than that and we always will be. Besides, perspective, yes? We could have lost Cam with you tonight and that is never far from my mind. However unreasonable I may be about many things, he will not ever breathe without knowing I love him.”
It was nice to hear. Necessary, maybe. And I appreciated it more than I could ever say. But I felt like shit, and it was distracting.
“Lie back, zolotoy mal’chik.”
“What does that mean?”
“What you are. Golden boy, no?”
I laughed.
It hurt.
Alexei muttered something else Russian and his hands left my shoulders.
He vanished again and another nurse took his place. I took the drugs this time, andwow, morphine was fun.
For me, not Alexei.
“You don’t have to be here,” I reminded him when he reappeared. “Get Rubes instead.”
Alexei speared me with the driest stare in the entire world. “I realise that you are not in possession of your faculties right now, but in what reality do you thinkRubicould infiltrate this hospital and guard you? I can hear him from where I stand.”
“No, you can’t. And why are you guarding me anyway? No one’s going to off me in here.”
“You’re a high value target,” Alexei countered.
“To who?”
“Maybe the Russian who just eliminated our friendly policeman.”
Damn. In all the Bear related thoughts I’d had, I’d forgotten the juiciest part. “Why do you think Jakov would kill me? We’re in his good books for taking care of Viktor.”
“You are forever inmygood books, friend. I would still kill you if it suited me.”
“Would you?”
Alexei narrowed his gaze, the one tell I’d learned revealed that his composure, his mask, had cracks. “I could never kill you. So enough of this trying to die by your own hand. We need you.”