A shiver passed through me. “Dangerous for who?”
Alexei folded his secret Santa envelope into a tiny square. He tucked it in his pocket and dead-eyed me. “Do you have a plan?”
“For what?”
“For the Crows. We are listening, but you have not said what you plan to do with the intelligence.”
I tapped my phone against my thigh, the list Nash had sent me still sharp in my mind. “I’m waiting for some other shit to come together before I make a decision, and even then, it’s not a plan. It needs to pass a vote.”
“What other shit?”
“Rocco St John gave us the names of the brothers we can’t trust. And the list of Crows that we should.”
“Which list is longer?”
I snorted. “Which do you think?”
Alexei nodded, understanding. “What are you going to do? It pains me to admit that we cannot kill everyone who is disloyal to you.”
“To the club. It isn’t about me.”
“Okay.”
He didn’t agree, I could tell, but I didn’t have the headspace to argue with him. I wanted to fucking hold him, but I was almost scared to touch him. As if I’d feel him slipping through my fingers.
Because that’s how it felt right now, and I couldn’t fucking fathom why. In so many ways, we were closer than ever. Dammit, I’d fucked him with Saint buried inside me. I’d told him I loved him in every way I could think of, and Iknewhe loved me.
So why did it feel like the step he took towards me now was ten steps in the other direction?
Alexei reached my side. He plucked my phone from my hand and opened the message from Nash. I didn’t stop him as he scanned the coded list. Didn’t decipher it for him. Just breathed him in as he leaned closer to slip the phone in my pocket.
“If you are going to move on Butch Crow, you should do it soon. It is unlikely the bugs will be found, but their rat is vulnerable, especially if you act on information you should not have. It would be easy for him to shoulder the blame for the devices.”
“I’d thought of that. You think I should’ve warned Rocco?”
“No. He has shown you a strong hand, but it could still be a trap. You will know if what we hear and what he tells you do not match. It is a staunch test of his honesty.”
“You believed him when he spoke. I know you did. I saw it.”
“That means nothing. I am not always right. And good men tell good lies when they have much to lose.”
Alexei kissed my cheek and backed up.
I caught his arm. “Where are you going?”
“Downstairs. I have some things I want to do while I take my turn listening.”
“Oh.” The flare of panic settled in my chest.He’s not leaving. “Did you eat yet?”
“Did you sleep yet, Cam?”
“Touché.”
“I am excellent at those. Go to bed. We will talk about food later.”
Alexei melted away. I blew out a breath and stuck my head out of the open window, sucking in the fresh air from the sea. I had no idea where Saint had gone, but I was used to that. I’d never tried to keep tabs on him. What was the point? I just had to trust he’d always come back, and I did.
So why didn’t I trust Alexei too?