Fuck, it was better than nothing.
Cam nodded. “I know. I won’t do anything that hurts him, I promise.”
The tension left me, loosening my throat. “You need to decide what you want so we can figure out if it’s possible. And we need Alexei for that as much as we need the rest of the table.”
“I know that too. I’ll talk to him tonight.”
“You need to do it at church. In front of the council. They’ll never trust him if everything happens behind their backs.”
“You think he cares if they trust him?”
Yes. Because it matters to you.
Cam sighed. “All right. I’ll call him and—fuck.”
“What?”
“I threw his phone out the window.”
“Why?”
“It’s complicated.”
“You two are fucking weird.”
“Yup.” Cam chucked his smoke. Caught the glare I drilled at him and picked it up, holding his hand out for mine. “All right, all right, goddamn Greenpeace motherfucker.”
He took them to the bin. I watched his back until he climbed into the car, then slid behind the wheel. My hands were still shaking from the handjob he’d given me that morning, but he hadn’t noticed yet. Maybe he wouldn’t.
Or maybe I’d calm the fuck down before he got the chance.
I don’t want to calm down.
I liked feeling like this.Alive. Free. And so fucking hooked on him I could barely drive a straight line.
Somehow, I managed to steer us out of the hospital car park. He didn’t tell me where to go, so I headed home, to Whitness and the compound.
Cam stole my cigarettes and smoked another one with the window cracked.
I left him to it. My president was a thinker. If he didn’t get the chance to brood in peace, he’d lose his fucking shit.
Besides, I was still a certified wreck.I need to smoke too—
Nope. If I smoked any more before nightfall, I’d incinerate my lungs.
I drove in silence, dodging idiots in camper vans and Range Rovers. Cam was so quiet I wondered if he’d fallen asleep, but I didn’t dare look at him. Goddamn, he turned me inside out. Before, yearning for him had been easy because I knew I’d never have him. Now I’d had a taste, loving him hurt more than ever.
“Ketamine.”
I hung a left before I could look at him. “What?”
Cam blinked. “That shit they stuck me with. It was ketamine. I remember the shooter telling Cracker.”
Rage rattled through me. Fucking Cracker. The only thing that pissed me off about Alexei ending him was that I hadn’t done it myself. “What else do you remember?”
He hadn’t told us much and I hadn’t asked. My imagination was bad enough. I didn’t need the truth.
“I, uh... fuck, never mind.”