Not now or ever again.
Decoy brought Ivy to visit. She tied a pink thread with a silver charm attached to it around Saint’s wrist and kissed his cheek. “It’s your secret Santa present, but don’t be late for Christmas.”
Cam hid his face, deep shudders wracking his frame.
Decoy was distraught. “I’m sorry.”
I waved him off. Saint loved Ivy. If anyone could reach him, it was her.
“Hey, little bug.”
God, I missed his voice.
I missed Cam too. It was horrific to see them both in body but know that was all they were. I let Cam sleep for a while, then I woke him up.
“Look at me.”
His tortured eyes stared back at me. He was a wreck.
Hungry.
Tired.
Terrified.
I gripped his hands. “I need to tell you something.”
Wariness crept into Cam’s fatigued gaze. I knew why, thanks to Mateo, but this wasn’t about that. “My mother died a few days ago.”
Cam frowned, his gaze trying to compute. His world had narrowed to the here and now. To Saint’s absence. But I needed him to know, before I buried it and it became a secret, toxic part of me that kept me from him.
From Saint.
From them both.
“Viktor told me on the phone when Nash reached him during church. He’d been looking for a way to reach me. It’s why he was close enough to help us that night, which is too ironic for me to contemplate.”
Cam rubbed his forehead on Saint’s knuckles, pressing hard. “He told me he helped us because your boss... Sidorov, rescued him too. Was he lying?”
“We have not talked about it, but I do not think so. I was not the first boy Pavel took from that life, so maybe I was not the last.”
“Is Viktor a hitman for him?”
“No. His skills are different.”
“I don’t even fucking care.”
“Neither do I. Viktor is not why I brought it up.”
Cam sighed, kissing Saint’s hand before he gave me his full attention. “I need to tell you something too.”
“Is this about Mateo’s misguided googling?”
“How do you know about that?”
“He confessed over a detonator.”
“Did you make him?”