Since never, but despite the dose of murder therapy we’d both taken last night, he was wound so tight he was falling.
And I’d never let him fall. Was sex therapy a thing? Not for me. But I wasn’t Alexei. I hadn’t survived the life he had.
“You took Cam to another world. I want to go there too.”
That was it.
Give him what he needs.I didn’t get to decide what it was.
I shut the shower off and braced my palms on the tiled wall, caging Alexei in. I felt like Cam. Strong. But then, I also felt like me, and I’d never learned the right adjective for that. “Look at me.”
Alexei opened his eyes. Found my face an inch from his and licked his lips, inhaling a tight breath. “You don’t have to,” he whispered.
“Have to what?”
“Do what you think I need. If you don’t want it—”
I cut him off with a slow kiss, grinding us together as the water cooled on our skin. My cock fit against his and I remembered how Cam had made me come like that. How he’d wrapped his warm hand around us.
Cam. Cam. The need to be close to him too pulled me from Alexei’s hot mouth. “I want you. But I’m not going to hurt you to help you forget. If I fuck you, you gotta stay with me. Can you do that?”
“You have found your words.”
“Answer me.”
Alexei shuddered. Soul deep and violent. He pushed at my chest, fighting it. Himself. Me. It didn’t fucking matter and I didn’t move. He was strong, but I wanted him more than he hated himself.
“Saint.”
“What?”
“You do not want to see me like that.”
“I want to see everything.”
“Why?”
“Because you are everything. You and Cam. Me and Cam. You and me. Listen to me, Lexi. I haven’t got much left.” The rock in my vocal cords took its cue and slammed into place. I made a weird choking sound and pounded my fist on the tiles.Fuck. I needed my voice.Alexeineeded my voice.
“Wingman.” He hit my chest again, but it was his head this time as he fell forward and buried his face in his hands. Not crying, not shaking. Just breathing. “I need to tell you something.”
I stayed where I was, braced on the wall. By my silence, I hoped he knew I was listening.
Cam was listening too. I sensed his shadow in the doorway again, but he melted away as Alexei raised his gaze to mine. “Last night.” Alexei dropped his hands from his face and to my hips. “I was thinking about you instead of protecting you. My thoughts were here and not there, and I did not hear them coming.”
“The rain,” I ground out. “Neither did I.”
Five words that almost made sense.
Alexei shook his head. “I was distracted.”
I held his gaze.So?
“They could’ve killed you.”
A silent laugh burst from my stubborn lungs. He was speaking the truth but neglecting to give a fuck about the flip side. They could’ve killedhim, and in the few hours of sleep I’d snatched since, I’d seen him dead in the dirt in every fucking dream.
Every nightmare.