I pushed the kettle to the back of the stove, away from little hands and clumsy adult elbows. Then I turned to my sister and gripped her shoulders, holding her in place. “I’m staying. I don’t know how it’s going to work yet, and I haven’t told Fen, but I’m putting my notice in at the probation service today and getting to work on setting up a remote counselling business from the office in the sky.”
Silence. Safia blinked as if she’d misheard me. “You’re staying? Both of you? Charlie as well?”
“No,” I deadpanned, “I’m putting him in a taxi and sending him down south by himself. Of course he’s staying too. I mean, it could get complicated if Leanne comes back and—”
Safia cut me off with a loud whoop. She jumped at me, throwing her arms around my neck, and squeezed every ounce of breath from my lungs. “If Charlie’s mum wants to be in his life, we’ll make that happen, I promise. But we can do it from here, from ourhome, right? You’ll get full custody, won’t you?”
I nodded. “It’s a formality at this point. It was me holding it up in the first place. Monumentally stupid, remember?”
“Fuck off. You were trying to do right by someone who didn’t deserve it, and it’s time to take care of yourself—and Charlie—by being with your family and that six-foot-four lumber-sexual who wants to give you his giant heart.”
It was a lot to take in from one sentence, but I appreciated the sentiment. I grinned at Safia, and as torrential rain thundered down on the roof above us, she beamed right back. “It doesn’t matter if you live here or with Fen, we’llmake itwork,” she whispered.
“I know.”
“You said you hadn’t told him you’re staying. Have you at least told him you’re in love with him?”
I winced. “Not exactly. He was gone when I woke up.”
“From banging all night long?”
“Something like that.”
“Tell him now.”
“What?”
“Tell himnow.” Safia punctuated the repetition with a gentle shove.
“He’s not here. He left on that haulage run, remember?”
“So? Call him. Spill it all out over the phone.”
My face must’ve showed my scepticism, because Safia got up in my face, fiercer than I’d seen her in a long time. “Do it. Life is short, Rama. We know this better than anyone. Who cares if it’s over the phone? Tell him again when he gets back if you like. Tell him a thousand times. Just don’t make him spend another second believing you don’t love him.”
The cynic in me thought she was being ridiculous, but that part of me was small, and shrinking by the day the longer I spent on this fucking mountain. In my heart, I knew she was right. Fen was out there somewhere after spending the night in my bed, insideme, and he had no clue how I felt about him.
That had to change.
Right now.
Ignoring Safia’s giddy smile, I ducked past her and slipped out of the kitchen, dashing back across the yard to make the most of the signal hot spot in the cabin. She’d handle Charlie if he woke and feed him a better breakfast than the Nutella on toast I’d planned.
The log cabin smelled of us. Of man and sweat and sex. I loved it. I breathed it in while searching the rumpled bed for my phone, collecting a stray condom wrapper for my trouble and dumping it into the bin.
My phone was on the floor, half hidden by a sock that wasn’t mine. It was blue with a white snowflake woven into it and I knew instantly that it was Fen’s, though I had no memory of him taking it off. Last night had been a blur of wild energy and happiness, the details weren’t important. All that mattered was letting him know how much it had meant to me.
How muchhemeant to me.
I folded the sock and placed it on the bedside table. Then I swiped at my phone and made the call.
It rang three times before I heard his voice, crackly and gruff, the sound of big machinery at work in the background.
I laughed. “Is this a bad time?”
“What?”
“A bad time,” I repeated. “I can call back later.”