I felt another shift in my heart.
I want this.
But what wasthis? Morning naps on a leather chesterfield? Charlie wouldn’t be a toddler forever, and then what? What about when he was a sullen teenager who didn’t want to live in the middle of nowhere?It’s not the moon. Fen’s house has Wi-Fi.
But no one had said anything about living in Fen’s house, least of all him. I knew he wanted me to stay, but for what? So we could creep up and down a gigantic hill for date nights twice a week?
You’re being a dick.
I was. And it faded as fast as it had arrived. My heart knew the practicalities weren’t that important. If I stayed and Fen and I were meant to be, we’d make it work. The question was—
Actually, I didn’t know what the fucking question was anymore. All I knew for certain was that I was a different man to the one who had driven his broken car up a mountain a month ago. My heart had been closed off then, barricaded by all the hurt Damon had left behind. But Fen…fuck, sweet Fen. He’d toppled the gates just by existing and now I couldn’t picture a life without him in it.
As the thought completed, a faint shudder passed through the house. Or maybe it was me. Northern England wasn’t exactly known for its earthquakes. Either way, it was over so fast I was sure I’d imagined it until Fen startled awake. “What was that?”
I shrugged, uncurling my legs from beneath me as I watched him handle Charlie like he was made of glass and get up. “The earth moving?”
Unimpressed by my terrible jokes, Fen stepped to the window and peered out over his property, glancing up and down the mountain. Even from behind, I could tell he was frowning.
I slid off the armchair and moulded myself to his broad back. The sensation of his bulk against my chest stole any words I might’ve said, so I just held him until he sighed and turned around.
“You heard it too, right? I didn’t dream it?”
“I don’t know what you dreamt, mate. Only that you’re a pretty sleeper.”
Fen’s brows rose. “Pretty?”
“Yup. I couldn’t look away.”
Fen wound his arms around me and pulled me close. Our bodies fit perfectly together and kissing him just happened, light and sweet, as if the horny monster in me remembered Charlie sleeping on the couch more than my conscious self.
I pulled back, lips tingling, warmth radiating through every part of me. “I thought it was something in my head that rumbled like that.”
“An epiphany?”
“Maybe. I’m still trying to decode it.”
Fen smiled a little, but his gaze drifted to the window again and there was a tension in his big body that was absent in mine.
I stopped molesting him and rubbed his shoulder. “What’s the matter? You think it was something serious?”
Fen sighed. “I’d have heard by now if it was, but I need to go check on my crew. We’re felling again today and I’m hoping they didn’t send a lorry load of timber rolling down the mountain.”
“That’s happened before?”
He tossed me a grimace that told me I probably didn’t want to know. “I need to check. Wait here for me? If it’s not a disaster, maybe we could do something today?”
Taking a breath, I opened my mouth to tell him I had Charlie. Shut it again without speaking. He knew we came as a package. Helikedit. I was done—for now, at least—trying to convince either one of us that any of it was a bad thing.
I settled for a nod.
Fen threw some outdoor clothes on, stamped into his boots, and left. The quiet in his wake was somehow shocking. I didn’t like it. I rubbed the goosebumps on my arms and eyed Charlie, still sleeping on the couch. Fen had covered him with one of those blankets that smelt of him and Christmas Mountain as if they were a single entity. I crouched and took a deep inhale, not giving a shiny toss if it made me a weirdo.
The scent filled my senses. Made a home for itself somewhere deep within me, which sounded dirtier than I meant it to and brought me to was something else that was throwing me for a loop: the crazy-hot sexual chemistry I shared with Fen. It was off-the-charts good. He only had to look at me and I was hard, and now he’d let me in a little in that respect? God. I didn’t know if I’d survive him fucking me. Surely I’d combust before we got to that point.
Stop thinking about sex. He’s so much more than that to you.
For once, though, I didn’t need the voice of reason in my head to keep me in line. Iknewwhat Fen was to me. He was the kindest, sweetest, funniest bloke I’d ever met, who just happened to besmokinghot. He was my every fantasy come to life. How did I get so lucky that he seemed to think the same of me?