I opened my mouth to protest, but was fast distracted by the paper-wrapped package in his other hand. It smelt like Christmas dinner and my stomach growled. “What’s that?”
Fen held the package just out of reach. “Kiss me and I’ll tell you.”
Now there was a dilemma. I’d missed lunch thanks to stumbling upon Fen and his super-manny session, but I was as hungry for him as I was for whatever deliciousness he clutched in his big hand.
Fuck it. I fisted his flannel shirt and yanked him down, fusing my lips to his and instantly forgetting about my empty belly. The complexities of everything I’d spent the last few days angsting about evaporated and it was just him and me, stoking a flame that eighteen months of silence had failed to smother.
I could kiss him forever. And for the first time, I didn’t chase the errant thought away. I let it linger, settle, and carve out a place in my present. I still had a lot to think about, but this part?
Yeah. We had it down.
Still kissing me, Fen pulled me from his father’s rickety desk chair and tugged me to the futon. He sat, taking me with him, and straddling him felt so fucking good.
We moved together like flowing water, a slow grind we didn’t have to think about, we justwere. It was hard to believe we’d only been together like this a handful of times, it was so easy. He knew where to put his hands, where to squeeze, where to stroke. He lit me aflame with every touch, and if not for the fact that we had no condoms or lube stashed in the treehouse…actually, no. I wasn’t going to ask him to fuck me. I was still mindful of the fact that rushing headlong into that wasn’t what he wanted. A blowjob hadn’t changed that.
Right?
I had no idea. And I wasn’t about to ask. This, right here, was magical, and all I’d ever need.
Fen slid his hands under my clothes, broad palms splaying across my lower back. He nipped my lip, then my neck, rubbing his unshaven jaw over my tingling skin. “I missed you,” he breathed. “When are you going to sleep in my bed again?”
“When do you want me to?”
“Tonight. Tomorrow. All of it.”
I chuckled, breathless. “I have Charlie.”
“Bring him.”
“On a…date?”
“Why not? He’s my pal.”
I knew that. I’d seen it, today and every other time they’d been in the same room.But…God, this was hard. Charlie had endured enough loss and upheaval in his short little life. I couldn’t let him get close to Fen, or see us together, until I—untilwe—were sure of our path. “Maybe if I left early…I mean, my car’s fixed now. I might be able to work it so he never knows I’m gone.”
Fen gave me a shrewd look. It was deep and dark, and pierced my soul. “You think I’d treat him any differently if you and me never got our act together enough to make this official?”
“Of course not. I just don’t want him to think slumber parties at your place are the norm if it doesn’t work out that way.” The words were out of me before I could worry they might upset Fen, but as I stared down at him, I saw not hurt in his gaze, but more of the impish good humour he’d brought with him. “What are you grinning at?”
Fen’s already immense smile widened. “You said if, not when. That means you’re thinking about doing the thing you said you’d never do.”
“I never said never.”
“Okay. I’m paraphrasing. But you gave me a whole list of reasons why you’d never consider it. Has that changed?”
“The list? Or my stance on it?”
“Don’t be cute.”
“Why not?”
“Because I want to do things to you that aren’t cute.”
Fen’s expression turned serious. My body temperature amped up a notch and I almost forgot that we were having an actual conversation.
Almost. Fen hooked two fingers under my chin and dared me to hold his gaze. “We don’t have to talk about it,” he said. “Just know the fact that it’s on your mind makes me pretty damn happy.”
Happy Fen was something I could live with. His smile was contagious and I grinned back at him, horny and hopeful all rolled into one, a weird combination for me, as most of my recent sexual encounters had happened when I’d been royally pissed off and swamped with despair. It was a sad fact that I’d never smiled through an orgasm.