“Same reason you love your sister, I’d imagine.”
“Probably. Wanna take a walk?”
I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do that didn’t involve all the things that made my head spin.
We found our boots and coats and slipped out of the warmth of Safia and Paddy’s home. I knew their property better than Rami, and I led him on a wander that took us to a sheltered ledge close to the top of Christmas Mountain. From there, we could pretty much see the whole world without getting battered by the wind.
Rami was spellbound. “It’s so beautiful up here.”
The view had nothing on him, but I kept that to myself. If he couldn’t tell how I felt about him by the way I gawped at him all the time I was doing it wrong. “It’s nice,” I said instead.
Rami shot me a scathing glance over his shoulder. “Nice? Wow, you’re a tough crowd.”
“Not really. A full belly and a cuddle and I’m happy.”
“Well, my sister took care of the belly thing, I guess…” Rami stepped back from the ledge and turned to me, opening his arms. It was so easy to step into them and sink into his embrace. Too easy. My body became autonomous again. I wrapped my arms around Rami and held him tight, hiding in his neck, his cinnamon-scented hair tickling my face. Heat pooled everywhere I dared acknowledge, and definitely in the place I was slightly scared of. The thing was, I’d never wanted anyone as much as I wanted Rami. I’d never felt such a deep, primal desire cloud my mind. It was intoxicating. With him this close, I couldn’t think or breathe for wanting him.
I could only kiss him.
So I did, and he kissed me back, and just for a moment, it felt like we were the soul survivors of a beautiful apocalypse.
Too soon, though, he pulled back with a rueful grin. “It’s too fucking cold for all the filth that goes through my head when you kiss me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like, if we ever did get around to fucking we’d set the world on fire.”
It was quite the image. I smirked. “Maybe we will.”
“What? Fuck? Or commit planetary arson?”
“Both. I know I said if we slept together I’d probably want to marry you, but I didn’t mean literally.”
Rami still had his arms around me. He rubbed my back with both hands. “You don’t have to keep explaining yourself. It’s okay that you didn’t want a quick bunk up. More than okay.”
“Quick?”
“You know what I mean.”
I did. But the weight of too many complicated conversations was getting to me. Rami was fun. I wanted to enjoy that. Wanted to see his dark brows wave up and down as he took the piss out of me. “It would never bequick,” I said archly. “I’d fuck you all night long.”
Something passed through Rami. Not quite a shiver, but my words did something to him, I could tell. “The last time I hooked up, the bloke was in and out of my flat in forty-five minutes. He had to get back to work, and I had to pick up Charlie. I never caught his name, and I never told him mine.”
“Fair enough.”
“Is it?”
“Course it is. I don’t like one-night stands because of me, not because I think no one else should have them.”
“Who did you last sleep with? Fuck, I mean, shit. You don’t have to tell me that.”
“It’s okay.” And it was. I was just having trouble remembering that anyone had ever come before him. “It was about a year ago. I met someone when I was hawking timber at an expo in Scotland. I slept with him a month later and I regretted it.”
“Why?”
“Because it was all he wanted and he was honest about that, but I liked him, and my stupid self thought that if I fucked him like any other dude he could get off Grindr, he’d like me too.”
Rami frowned. “He didn’t like you?”