“Which one?”
“What?”
“It went off a while ago too—Joni Mitchell. I liked that one better.”
Fen laughed, low and deep. “That’s my reward if I get up on the first go. If I don’t, I get blasted with whatever tune Addie decides I should suffer. It’s his favourite game with me.”
“It’s a good game.” I was so enamoured by Fen’s relationship with my sister’s kids I found it hard to breathe when they talked about him and he wasn’t there. But safe in bed with him, I could appreciate it for what it was: fucking beautiful. “He threw pig shit at my head, so I think you got the better deal.”
“Oh, he does that to me too.”
“Damn. I thought I was special.”
“You are.”
Just like that, the intensity of the night before returned, blanketing us in heat and want and the fate that had brought us together again. I was still so hot for him, but in the growing light of the early morning, it was more than that. Fen was my friend, and waking up with him like this was so perfect I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
I gave him a hug he wasn’t expecting, latching our bodies together in all the right places. I was hard. So was he. But doing nothing about it felt right.
He wove his hand into the hair at the nape of my neck, massaging the base of my skull. I sighed with a contentment I hadn’t felt in years, if ever, and I found myself glad I wasn’t waking up to do the walk of shame up Christmas Mountain because this was so much better.
I pressed my face into the warmth of where his shoulder joined his neck. “Do you have to be somewhere this morning?”
“Soon,” he said with regret. “I mean, I’m the boss so I can do what I like, but we’re crazy busy right now. I need to be there.”
I hummed my acceptance, knowing that in actual fact, I needed to be somewhere else too. Charlie had slipped into Safia’s chaotic family as though he’d always been there, but he still looked for me every few minutes, seeking reassurance that I wasn’t going to disappear like everyone else in his life had done.
The thought of not being there when he woke drove me out of Fen’s arms and upright again.
He rubbed my back. “Something bothering you?”
“Charlie. He doesn’t know I won’t be there.”
Fen nodded. “Get in the shower. I’ll get the breakfast on then I’ll drive you home.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“So? I’m doing it anyway.”
I had no argument. I took a quick—and cold—shower, then let him feed me a bacon sandwich before he drove me up the mountain in one of the farm’s vehicles.
He stopped in the turning circle by the gate. There was no one around, save a few goats shouting at the birds, and I was glad of it. I wanted him all to myself just a little while longer.
I turned to face him, drinking him in. While I’d showered, he’d put himself back together. His hair was no longer wild and his bright eyes were clear. “God, you’re so fucking hot.”
It wasn’t what I meant to say, and I needed him to know I craved so much more about him than that, but such was my life up here in this goddamn mountain, it fell out of me before I could catch it.
Fen grinned, full lips turning up enough to make his whole face light up. “You’re not bad yourself.”
“Thanks.”
“No. Thankyou. I had the perfect night. I never got round to asking you if you wanted more because I was so fixated on telling you I didn’t, but having you in my bed was everything. I hope you know that.”
“I do.”
There was so much more I could’ve said, but words didn’t seem enough.
Fen didn’t seem to have many either. He kissed my cheek and then my lips, and then his phone rang, reality, perhaps, calling us home.