Dante eyed him, then sighed and sat too. His fingers twitched like he wanted another smoke, but the tin was inside, and Sid knew he wouldn’t fetch it of his own accord.
“What’s so scary about the envelope?” he asked gently. “Would your brother send you something bad?”
Dante twisted his restless hands. “Not in the way you’re thinking.”
“You don’t know what I’m thinking.”
“And you don’t know my brother. He’d never write me an essay on what a cunt he thinks I am. I already know it by his silence—at least, I thought I did until my probation officer told me he’d come up here to see him. I don’t understand why he did that, unless it was...fuck.” Dante shook his head. “You don’t want to hear this.”
“Do so.”
“Why?”
“BecauseI’mselfish and I don’t want our friendship to be all about you helping me up when I fall.”
“Friendship?” A smile reached Dante’s eyes. “Well, as your friend, I can one hundred per cent refute any claim that you’re selfish, so there’s that.”
“Bullshit,” Sid retorted. “But whatever. What I’m saying is I can’t hold you up the way you do me, but I can listen.”
“What if I can’t talk, though? What if I choke every time I try?”
“Then keep trying. Fucking it up a few times won’t kill you.”
“You’re a wise man, Sid.”
“I’m a bit of a knob, actually. Ask my sister.”
Dante chuckled, soft and deep. “Does she look like you?”
“Nope. I’ll show you a photo if you tell me what you’re scared you’ll find in this envelope.”
Dante took a breath and started to shake his head. Then his hands curled into fists and he knocked them hard on the concrete post behind him. “I’m scared Luis got someone else to tell me to leave him alone forever. And I was scared of it the whole time I was inside—that one day I’d get a letter back to the ones I wrote him and it would be over. There. Happy now?”
Sid’s heart stuttered in his chest. He found no joy in Dante’s pain. “Do you think he’d do that after all this time?”
“I don’t know. I mean, it’s not like I can get up in his face if he stays in London.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not allowed. I have to stay out of London as a condition of my release.”
“For how long?”
“Three years, unless I contest it, but I would never do that to him. I want him to have somewhere he can be without worrying I’m gonna ruin it for him.” Dante turned the volume up in his gaze and pinned Sid in place with it. “Because I did that before—I never gave him a chance when he got out.”
Sid held the envelope up. “That doesn’t mean he won’t giveyoua chance. You told me before he was different. Let him prove it.”
Dante looked nauseous. “I—whatever. Open it then. I don’t care.”
“Liar.” Sid opened the envelope before Dante could change his mind and scanned the short note as fast as his blurred vision allowed. A breath escaped him before words formed, and Dante blanched, already rising to walk away.
Sid lurched forward, catching his bare leg. “Stop. It’s not what you think.”
Dante stilled but said nothing.
Sid used his leg to haul himself upright, landing so far into Dante’s personal space it was almost funny. “Who’s Paolo?”
Wariness danced in Dante’s eyes. “My brother’s boyfriend. He hates me too. More, probably.”