Dante nodded. He seemed dazed by Sid’s kiss, and Sid could live with that.
He backed up and left Dante in the kitchen, dropping his clothes on his way to the bathroom. A lukewarm shower called his name, but his sore muscles cried out for heat. Playing Russian roulette with his symptoms, he blasted his aching body with hot water before gradually easing the temperature down. It was a dangerous game of chicken, but for the first time in a while, he won. He washed up, then got out, towel drying his hair as he padded, barefoot and dripping, to the bedroom.
The bed was unmade. Sid sank down on it and retrieved a pair of joggers from the floor. He came upright as he yanked them up his legs, swaying slightly, like he often did after a shower. Dizzy, he rubbed his temples and lay back, closing his eyes, just for a moment, until the world stopped spinning and fell away.
18
Sid was asleep. Dante knew it because he’d checked on him a dozen times since he’d failed to return from his shower.
He also knew he wasn’t going to wake up. Sid did this from time to time—knocked out after work and stayed that way till morning. Sometimes Dante stayed and watched over him, others he went home and paced his own bungalow until the sun came up.
Tonight, he did neither. He coaxed Sid into bed, left Sid to sleep, and crossed the yard, heading for the forest. He’d never been in the woods—these ones or any other—after dark without Sid, but for some reason the whispering trees called to him.
He stepped under the canopy and let the blackness envelop him. It wasn’t quiet, like being indoors. The leaves rustled, and night birds called, and at his feet, tiny creatures scurried around.Scurried? Man, did you ever believe you’d live a life where that word entered your head?
Nope. Not even close. It was a sad fact that Asa ruining his day made more sense than the wildlife documentary playing out around him.
Dante found the tree Sid had blown him against and slid down the trunk. With Sid, it had seemed the most natural action. Without him, the bark felt strange as it dug into his spine. Alien. But it was Dante who didn’t belong. His place was with the dregs, not with sunshine souls like Sid.
Sid doesn’t think so. He wants you around. But for how long? Sid knew the bare bones of Dante’s life story. How would he feel when he eventually believed the truth? Because there was no doubt that day would come. If Sid didn’t learn it for himself first, Dante would keep telling him, whether Sid wanted to hear it or not.
Dante buried his face in his bent knees and allowed his thoughts to drift to Asa. A pinch in his chest bloomed, spreading cold dread through every fibre of his body. He shivered and tried to forget the steely resolve in Asa’s gaze as he’d walked away from Dante. Merged with the desperation that had been there moments before, it was a dangerous combination, and Dante knew in his bones their conversation was far from over.Tell someone. Anyone. Ask for help.But who? If he told Rami, the probation service would move him for his own safety, but nowhere was safe from Asa Gerrard. He was a clever motherfucker. Finding people was his gift and Dante knew better than anyone that there was nowhere to run.
That’s not what you told him. You told him you’d rat if he hurt Sid and put a grenade under any dreams he had to be free.And Dante had meant it at the time, but as he sat alone with mice and foxes for company, logic warred with the freshly uncovered part of his heart that would do anything for someone else.
Anything forSid.
Think about it. You might take Asa down by ratting, but what comes next? Snitches get stitches, bro. Even road boys who don’t know your name would come for you, and who would protect Sid then? You?
Dante snorted into his knees.And whose fucking army? Your own brother hates you.No. There was no army. Only Dante, and every way he looked at it, the conclusion was the same. He had two choices: take a chance and help Asa the way he’d failed to help Luis all those years ago, or pussy out and take his bullshit as far away from Sid as his debit card would carry him before Asa came for him again.
Do it. Go now while he’s asleep. You’ve got two weeks before Rami wants to see you again. You could be a world away before anyone knew it.
But that wasn’t true either.Sidwould know, and he’d come looking, and Dante would let him because he was a selfish motherfucker and he couldn’t give him up.You were a shitty road boy, but you’re a worse friend.
Sighing, Dante raised his head. Knowing Sid was alone in bed was breaking him in two. How would he ever pack his bags and walk away for good?Nah. The only way he was leaving was if Sid asked him to, and maybe one day he would, but until that day came, Dante was staying. He’d think about what that meant later, but of one thing he was certain.I’ll do whatever it takes... because I love him.
The realisation sank in as Dante uncurled himself from the ground and brought himself upright.I love him. Fuck. What did that even mean? Dante had loved his dad, and he was dead. loved Luis since the day he’d been born, and where had it got them?
Loving Sid felt different, as if it was a taller tree than the rest and closer to the sun.You’re running out of sunshine metaphors. Thank fuck you never say this shit out loud.But damn, Dante wanted to.
He spun around and took off back the way he’d come, jogging over the uneven ground, disturbing the peace he’d fled outside to find. Fragments of his mind came loose, and he left them behind, clinging to a greater need that overwhelmed everything else.Sid. I need to be with Sid.
The brain was a funny thing. Dante ran through the woods, half-convinced he could see Sid in front of him, an apparition in the shadows. Light in the dark. Then the trees petered out, and he emerged into the yard. Sid’s bungalow was straight on, past the greenhouses and the barn. It began to rain, a light drizzle that landed on Dante’s hair but didn’t sink in. Up ahead, a door opened, bathing the damp night in the warm glow of the lamp Sid often left on in the hallway. That didn’t sink in either...
Until he collided with a warm mass that smelled of grass and fresh earth and trod on a pair of handsome bare feet.
* * *
Dante realised his mistake before Sid seemed to notice the muddy boot crushing his feet. He jumped back, then regretted that too as Sid stumbled forward, still reaching for Dante.
He corrected himself, catching Sid before he lost his balance entirely. “Easy. I got you.”
Sid gripped his arm, fingers digging into Dante’s flesh. “You weren’t there. I woke up and you were... fuck. Where did you go?”
“Um...” The urge to lie and say he’d gone home was strong, but it stuck in Dante’s throat. He pulled Sid closer, taking his weight. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk.”
“I fucking knew.” Sid shook his head, somehow dazed and wild all rolled into one. “I knew something was wrong.”