Benito shrugged. “I like a lot of things. I found my way to the club because it was a safe place where no one knew me. There could be women there and I’d enjoy it.”
“Why not go to a mixed club then?”
“Dunno. Maybe I need something extreme when I’m in that mood.”
“You think fucking men is extreme?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know.” Mickey’s grin widened a touch. “I’m taking the piss. I hear what you’re saying. I don’t drive all that way for something I could pick up on Grindr.”
“You’re on Grindr?”
“No.”
Benito didn’t deserve the relief that washed through him. Mickey wasn’t his boyfriend. He could fuck whoever he liked. They both could. But—
I don’t want anyone else.
“Hey.” Mickey waved his hand in front of Benito’s face. “Where did you go?”
Benito blinked. “Nowhere.”
Mickey stared, then seemed to let it go. “I know it sounds super heavy when I lay it out, but it saved me, really. I don’t think I’d have ever stopped if I hadn’t hit the bottom so hard.”
Benito blew out a slow breath, digesting. “You don’t know that.”
“Mate.” Mickey closed his eyes. “I was off my nut for three years straight. You think I’m a wreck now? I was another level of carnage back then.”
“I don’t think you’re a wreck.”
Mickey cracked an eye open. “Then you’re blind. I spent the night tweaking outaloneat a sex club because I couldn’t handle being at home.”
Alone.More relief flooded Benito. “So? You didn’t use. And you weren’t the only one. You think I came there to fuck someone? Nah, bruv.”
The street slang made Mickey grin, then he cocked a brow. “You didn’t go to hook up?”
“No. I just...” Benito released Mickey’s hand, rolled onto his back, and stared at Mickey’s bedroom ceiling. “I just needed to be somewhere else... somewhere I could just be a faceless dude who likes getting dick. I didn’t need the actual, uh—”
“The actual dick?”
“Yeah.” Benito smiled as the room grew ever lighter around them. “I guess so. Apparently the onlyactualdick I’m craving these days is yours.”
Mickey shifted onto his side. “I can relate to that. In reverse, obviously.”
“You didn’t hook up at the club?”
“It didn’t even cross my mind.”
“For real?” Benito tore his gaze from the ceiling and lost himself instantly in Mickey’s flinty greys. “You don’t have to tell me either way. It’s not my business.”
“It’s not my business if you’ve fucked anyone else recently either. I’m still glad you haven’t, though, if I’ve got that right.”
“You have. But why do you care who I fuck?”
Mickey brought his hand to Benito’s face. He cupped his cheek and rubbed his thumb beneath Benito’s scratchy eyes. “Because I’m a masochist. I know your life could undo me, but I can’t give you up. Maybe you’re my new addiction.”
It was the easiest thing in the world to kiss Mickey. Benito stretched his neck and captured Mickey’s mouth with his, slow and sweet, but laced with every fractured drop of hunger he carried for this complex motherfucker.
Daylight forgotten, they shifted until they were the sum total of their bare skin and entwined limbs and nothing else. But despite the rising heat, Mickey made no move to bypass Benito’s underwear, and Benito kept his hands where he could see them. His body screamed to welcome Mickey inside, but his heart ached for something else. For comfort and safety.
For Mickey, more than himself.
Can I be that for him?
Benito had no idea.