“It really wasn’t.”
“You wanna go further?”
Billy treated me to a heartbeat of loaded silence. Then shrugged. “Not today.”
I was forever perplexed by everything that came out of his beautiful mouth. The words were simple, but contemplating their subliminal meaning gave me a headache. I hadn’t had enough breakfast to deal with so many syllables. Billy was the brains. I was the idiot clutching a bag of nacho cheese Doritos and staring at him, again.
My appetite disappeared. I dropped the crisp bag at the water’s edge and kicked off my shoes and socks. The lake was dappled by sunlight, and as warm as it was ever going to get. I waded in up to my knees, squeezing the stones between my toes and not caring in the slightest that my cargo shorts were getting soaked. If I’d been alone, I might’ve ditched them, and the rest of my clothes, but I wasn’t alone. I was with Billy. And the fact that he’d already seen me naked seemed a distant memory.
Or maybe it wasn’t distant. Maybe it was so close to my consciousness that I couldn’t see it properly.
Either way, I kept my clothes on and concentrated on the crystal lake water lapping at my skin, until Billy came up behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around.
Apparently he hadn’t got the memo about nakedness.
I blinked.
He gave me another shrug. “What? You didn’t drag me all the way out here to go skinny-dipping?”
“What do you think?”
Billy sank into the water, obscuring his beautiful body from my greedy gaze. “I think I don’t think when it comes to you, so I’m just gonna do the skinny-dipping I’ve always done when I come to this part of the lake.”
He pushed off the lake bottom and glided past me, leaving a gentle swoosh of water in his wake. And he was right, of course, about the skinny-dipping at least. I’d been swimming naked here since I was fifteen, and had first kissed a boy against the weeping willow tree. Why stop now?
I strode back to the shore and ditched my clothes. By the time I turned around to go back, Billy was on the other side of the glade, floating on his back, staring up at the sky. I debated joining him, but chickened out and swam to a different spot. I ducked under the water, losing myself to the cooler depths, and shook my head, as if I could wash my brain out. My head had always been a complicated place to be, but adding Billy to the mix had me overloaded. That he was naked to boot?
Yeah, I was wrecked.
I broke surface and kept my eyes closed as I pushed my hair back. Billy hummed from somewhere behind me.
“You know, this would be easier if you weren’t so fucking fit.”
“What would?”
“Being sensible. It’s not my strong point at the best of times.”
I wiped my face and turned slowly. Billy was lounging by the bank, lying just beneath the shallow water there. As hard as I tried not to, I could see everything, and my dick was an instant stone column. “Who said you had to be sensible?”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“Because I think getting too close to me is messing with your head.”
He spoke without inflection. A statement, not a question. And he was more right than he’d ever know. But what did that even mean? It wasn’t as if we’d fucked. A few kisses. A grinding session on the floor. I was more churned up by the fact he’d slept in my bed. That I’d held him all night long and was still traumatised by having to let him go.
I swam closer to him, letting myself drift until I was a metre away. “It doesn’t take much to mess with my head. Don’t take it personally.”
“Charming.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t care what you meant.”
“Don’t you?” I shifted in the water, mirroring Billy’s pose so I could stare at the sky too. “Then why are we having this conversation?”
“Because it winds me up that it’s easier to be naked with you than be fully dressed and act like normal people.”