“Do you want to be more than friends who fuck?”
“Yes.”
Relief made Jonah sway a little. He gripped Sacha’s knees tighter. “So do I, and that’s all that matters right now. We don’t have to define it. But I need you to mean it, Sacha. I can’t play this ridiculous game of back and forth with you while you figure out if your feelings are real. I don’t have the energy for that, and I don’t think you do either.”
Sacha stared, for a moment so silent and still Jonah feared he’d made a terrible mistake. His blood roared in his ears, and Sacha’s gloomy bedroom closed in on him.Back off. You don’t get to tell him how to behave. He’s not a—
Cool fingers tipped Jonah’s chin, forcing his gaze up. Sacha blinked hard, and leaned forwards, pressing his forehead to Jonah’s. “It’s real. I promise. All of it. I think when my head is clear, I will tell you I am very close to falling in love with you, Jonah Gray.”
It was Jonah’s turn to stare, but Sacha was already gone. His head slipped from Jonah’s, and he rocked forwards, saved from falling only by Jonah’s presence in front of him. “Whoa.” Jonah caught him. “Come on. Let’s get you in bed.”
He helped Sacha undress and eased him into bed. He shed his own clothes, killed the light, and flicked the TV on, and by the time he slid under the covers, Sacha was barely awake.
Jonah lay down beside him, shifting around until Sacha was leaning against him, his head on Jonah’s chest. He was still cold to the touch. Jonah tucked the sheets around them and ran his fingers through Sacha’s hair.
Sacha sighed. “You are an angel.”
Smiling, Jonah kissed his temple. “If you say so. Go to sleep, Ivanov. I’ve got you.”
19
Jonah came awake still stroking Sacha’s face. He had no idea how long he’d been asleep, just that the action movie he’d been watching on mute had made way for a documentary on Turkmenistan.
He switched it off and the haze of the early morning filtered through the window—they’d forgotten to shut the curtains. Jonah wondered if the light would bother Sacha when he woke and tried not to picture his red, pain-filled eyes from the night before. He focused on the last words Sacha had uttered before he’d passed out.“…I am very close to falling in love with you…”and his heart skipped a beat, for once, not because he doubted Sacha, but because he felt the same. A whirlwind had passed since Sacha had stepped into the lift all those weeks ago, but time could mean whatever they wanted it to, and Jonah’s feelings were real.
I could love him. Maybe I already do.
His thumb passed over Sacha’s cheekbone.
Sacha hummed.
Jonah stilled and stared down at him. “Are you awake?”
“A little. That is nice. Please don’t stop.”
Jonah resumed his ministrations. Sacha’s breathing deepened as if he’d gone back to sleep, and Jonah let him be until Sacha hummed again, and pressed himself closer to Jonah. “How are you doing down there?”
“Better,” Sacha said without opening his eyes. “I am sorry about that.”
“Why?”
Sacha shrugged. “I sit on the floor for a moment. I never meant you to find me.”
“I know. But I did. And it was okay. What would you have done if I hadn’t?”
“I would have got up eventually. I always do.”
Jonah slid his fingers through Sacha’s hair again, grounding himself in the silky strands. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“Is your injury from the same accident that killed your mother?”
“Yes. I don’t remember it, though. If I did not have the scars beneath my hair I would not know.”
“You have scars?”
“On the left side and my neck. Have a look.”