Jonah slid out of his bed and to the window. The view made him feel somehow closer to Sacha, even in the silence that stretched between them. “You nevermademe feel anything. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”
“What on earth for?”
“For complicating things.”
“Jonah.” Sacha’s voice was soft, chiding, almost. “It was complicated from the moment I stepped into that lift and saw you standing there. IknewI would not be able to forget you. That is not your fault. I just wish I was better at all the things you deserve.”
“And what’s that? And, actually, why do you get to decide? Maybe I’m happy enough with a grumpy Russian in my bed who won’t talk to me or admit we really are friends?”
“Happyenough?” Sacha snorted. “That is not a thing. And I know we are friends. I am wearing your bracelet. I have not taken it off since you gave it to me.”
Jonah blew out his own quiet breath. “I thought you’d give it away.”
“To who? You think there is someone I would want to be friends with more than you?”
“I think we sound like twelve-year-olds having this conversation,” Jonah countered. “Can’t we just agree to agree and move on?”
“If you would like that.”
“I would.”
“Can I ask you something, though?” Sacha said. “Now that we are friends?”
In the darkness, Jonah almost smiled, but Sacha’s serious tone gave him pause. “Of course. You can ask me anything.”
“What did that man do to you?”
“Oh.” It was the first time Sacha had referred to William Ratner without referencing his hair, but Jonah was in no doubt of who he meant. “Well, nothing, really, I suppose. He just makes me uncomfortable.”
“He makes you uncomfortable because he did something to you. I saw it on that first night, and then shades of it later, even when he was not there anymore. You do not have to tell me, but do not ever say it was nothing.”
Jonah thought back to every encounter he and Sacha had ever shared and tried to pin point moments where he could’ve given himself away, but it was all such a hazy blur, too many emotions to count. “I didn’t mean it was nothing tome, more that it was a minor incident. I was sixteen. He backed me into a dark corner at the ball that year and shoved his hands down my pants. I fought him off and told him I’d stab him if he didn’t leave me alone. The end.” The words left Jonah in a rush. He thought he was done, but Sacha didn’t speak, and he realised there was more. “I didn’t tell anyone,” he whispered. “Ratner’s from a wealthy family—married with children. It would’ve embarrassed my parents if it had got out, and destroyed his wife, but you’re right, it haunted me for a long time—still does when I have to face him every year and he tries to talk to me like we’re fucking friends. Lily put a laxative in his drink one year just to get rid of him.”
“I like her more and more.”
“You’ll meet her one day if you keep that bracelet on. How long are you going to be in Russia?”
“Until tomorrow,” Sacha said. “Then I need to come back for work. There is a small problem with the app interface that only I can fix, and I did not bring my laptop with me. It is still at the office.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yes, Jonah Gray, but you are doing it already.”
* * *
Sacha hated airports. Sometimes it seemed every flight he ever took was delayed, and his lunchtime flight from Moscow to London was no exception. It was late by the time he pushed his way out of Heathrow, and fell into a cab. Too late to visit the office, even for him.
Sacha:I am home. Sleep. See you tomorrow?
Jonah Gray:I’ll find you x
Sacha pondered what that meant, and accepted the flutter in his chest. After long days spent with his step-siblings and Russian lawyers, he appreciated the warmth more than he ever had. Clung to it. Embraced it as he crawled into his bed and shut his eyes on a thundering headache.
Tired, but wired, it took a while for sleep to come. Jonah’s voice kept him company. Last night, they’dtalked until sunrise about everything and nothing, and standing on the balcony of his father’s cold, empty home, Sacha had felt a true yearning to be somewhere else. Notanywhereelse, but with Jonah.
So what? You are his friend, he is yours, and you still want to fuck him?
No. It was more than that now. Sacha wanted to wake up with him too. Eat with him. Decorate ayolkawith him after a morning spent wandering the markets together. It scared him, but he liked the feeling. To be afraid of it was a thrill, and he didn’t stop to wonder what had changed. It didn’t matter. Sometimes the heart wasn’t as complicated as people wanted it to be. Sacha wanted Jonah, and Jonah wanted him. It was enough, at least until Sacha fell asleep.