Ignoring Angelo’s smirk, I took the package and sloped across the farm to Cole’s cottage. It was early still, barely half eight, and the blinds were drawn. A few weeks ago, I’d have left the package on the doorstep, but emboldened by all we’d shared, I let myself in and set the package on the kitchen counter.
The cottage was silent. Peaceful. I wondered if Cole was still asleep upstairs, but an instinct I couldn’t decipher drew me to the living room.
Cole was on the couch, dressed in faded sweats and a white vest that left plenty of inked skin on show. He was huddled up on his side, his head pillowed on one arm, hair as messy as when I’d left him, and appeared to be asleep, but something in the set of his handsome face bothered me.
I took a step closer. Changed my mind, and stepped back. But the pull to him was irresistible, and I found myself once again on my knees at his side. I brushed his hair back from his face, trying not to worry how he was going to react when he woke to find me in his house again, but he didn’t wake. He didn’t even stir, and more worry clawed at my heart.
Idiot. Leave him alone. Maybe he doesn’t sleep like a baby after he’s come down your throat and he’s catching up.It made sense. I’d knocked out every night like I’d had a Shadow-sized dose of ketamine. For all I knew, he’d been up all night staring at my back, only to finally fall asleep as the sun rose.Lucky him.
Not.
Guilt squeezed my heart so tight it hurt. I’d spent all morning worrying about how I was going to deal with our three-day hook-up coming to an end without stopping to consider that perhaps my presence in his bed wasn’t as fun for him as it was for me. Fuck. What if I was making it worse?
The rational voice in my brain knew Cole’s issues had existed long before me and would still be there whenever he was done teaching me how to be naked without blushing and flailing around, but when I saw him like this, rational was an island on the other side of the world.
I had to go. My list of jobs for the day was ridiculous. And, I didn’t want Cole waking up to me looming over him like a weirdo. I kissed his cheek and pulled the throw on the couch over his legs.
Then I left, and the most definitely irrational side of my brain felt like I’d never see him again.
15
Cole
Toby was the sweetest person I’d ever met. I stared at the sandwich he’d left on the kitchen counter for me and pressed shaky fingers to the imprint his lips had left on my cheek. Hours had passed since he’d left, but I could still hear the front door closing behind him.
It was the weirdest thing to be not quite asleep, but not awake enough to open my eyes and face him. And yet I’d still known he was there. I’d heard every quiet sigh and worried thought, but I had no idea what I’d done to make him fret like that. At least, not in that exact moment.
And I had no time to find out. Or fix it. I’d been so caught up in him over the past few days, I’d forgotten to tell him I was taking Ella back to London for a week, and now his phone was turned off and I had to leave.
I tossed the sandwich in the outside bin and made my way to my car, keeping a sharp eye out for Toby, but for the first time ever, the farm seemed to be deserted, save Joe in the top field, riding the big black horse that scared the crap out of me. I eyed him as I drove down the lane that led to the main road. Toby had told me the stallion was getting old now, but I saw no sign of him flagging as he gave Joe a hard time around the field, and their battle seemed to suit the storm clouds settling in the sky.
Or maybe the clouds suited me. Whatever. As excited as I was about picking up Ella, the prospect of leaving the farm was enough to drop my mood as low as it had been since I’d left the city.
Right. Because it’s the farm you’re going to miss.
Toby’s sweet face filled my mind again, and I recalled every moment we’d spent together over the past few weeks. Most of our shared nights had been naked, but we’d done other stuff too; showered together—that’s still naked—shared dinner, and slept together, cuddled up in my bed. Again, still naked, but there was something about wrapping myself around him every night that had put me in a coma. Even after he left for work, I’d found myself so drowsy from the first real sleep I’d had in years that I’d struggled to wake up enough to function.
It was wonderful.
And terrifying. Because what the fuck was I going to do when Toby was no longer sharing my bed? When his desire for me fizzled out and he went back to being beautiful and twenty-four and not kicking it with a single dad with a mood problem?
Damn. I had no idea. And worrying about it kept me company all the way to London.
* * *
Two days later, I was regretting my life choices. Leaving London had broken my heart in some ways, but others... not so much. And my current situation, trapped in my father’s Hampstead palace while his wife fussed over Ella leaving sticky fingerprints on expensive furniture and told me how shit I was at pretty much everything was a case in point.
“But what are you going to do when the other teacher comes back from sick leave?”
I glanced up from my phone, wondering if my stepmonster had peered over my shoulder and seen me looking at Angelo’s Instagram feed. I couldn’t see how else she’d managed to claw my latest anxiety out of my brain and slap me round the face with it. “I don’t know if he will come back full time. He has a chronic illness.”
“Even so, a part-time job is no good when you have a child to provide for. You need to take life more seriously, Cole.”
I rolled my eyes and went back to my phone. Or, more accurately, staring at the message thread I had with Toby and willing him to turn his phone on and text me back.
Our last few messages were a timeline of the nights we’d spent together. Me asking him to come over. Him saying yes. Nothing in between. The lack of other interaction bothered me. It wasn’t as if I saw him around during the day to speak to, so our sole communication was me inviting him into my bed. Until this morning when I’d called time on a sleepless night and sent him three messages he hadn’t responded to.
Cole:Morning... hope you’re okay. Been trying to call you. Maybe later?