It wasn’t the most eloquent way of requesting his presence, but it was all I had time for. My classes had overrun, and I’d spent my lunch hour helping Angelo stretch out his fatigue-damaged muscles. I wasn’t complaining. I liked my days to be busy. It kept my mind off ridiculous anxieties I’d worked hard to forget. And brand-new ones I didn’t want to take root. But I was so ready to be alone with Toby again.
So fucking ready.
He didn’t text me back straight away, and when I went to the main house for dinner, he wasn’t there.
“He’s gone out with Joe,” Harry said before I could pretend I wasn’t wondering where he was. “Police called in a rescue a few hours ago.”
“Toby doesn’t go out on rescues.”
Harry shot me a knowing look. “Tell you that, did he?”
“What if he did?”
“Then I’d be happy. That kid wears his heart on his sleeve so much I forget he doesn’t actually talk.”
“He’s not a kid, mate. He’s a grown man.”
“I know. Sorry. Habit.”
“Yeah, well, get some new ones.”
Harry drained a huge pot of pasta into the kitchen sink and rolled his eyes at my growling. I didn’t want to know what he was thinking, so I didn’t ask. I helped him dish up his seven-vegetable chicken pasta and kept an eye out for the horsebox returning, but Toby and Joe didn’t come back. Dinner was quiet, and I legged it before I got roped into too much conversation and went home, resigning myself to the reality that I’d have to wait a little longer for my dose of Toby.
Didn’t stop me showering and scenting my borrowed house with every horny essential oil I could think of. Or sniffing the cherry blossom I’d kept in a jam jar since Toby had left it on my kitchen counter. The soft fragrance took me back to the sun-dappled hug we’d shared a few days ago, and I was totally addicted to the contentment that settled in my bones every time I brought it to my nose. Never mind that it made no fucking sense at all, given that I’d been in a shit mood when I’d hugged him and remained in a shit mood for the entire evening after.
Things didn’t have to make sense.
Right?
I had no idea. And once the cottage was a candlelit cave of seduction, I ran out of things to occupy myself. Most evenings I didn’t see Toby, I stretched myself into oblivion in the hope that it would help me sleep. Some nights it even worked. But for once, contorting myself into sacred shapes didn’t appeal, and I settled for what normal parents did and folded the pile of clean laundry that had accumulated in Ella’s room.
The oil diffuser on her dresser puffed out tiny lavender steam clouds. When Ella was home, they seemed to do jack shit to get her to sleep, but by the time I’d waded my way through bazillion babygros, I was feeling pretty chill.
I lay on her bedroom floor and closed my eyes. Sometimes thinking of her brought every worry and fret to the forefront. Other times just knowing she existed gave me enough purpose to calm the fuck down. Tonight I was lucky. I thought about taking her to the beach again and letting her get her feet wet in the cold sea that seemed to make Toby so happy.
And then I thought about him, and despite my dirty plans being shelved for the night, I found myself smiling in the dark.
Maybe I fell asleep, or maybe I dropped into some kind of Toby-themed trance. Regardless, I jumped a fucking mile when a tap at the front door sounded sometime later.
Startled, I scrambled to my feet and stumbled downstairs. I threw the door open just in time to see Toby walking away. “Hey, not so fast.”
He turned, his face hidden by shadows, and returned to the doorstep. “I thought you’d gone to bed.”
“Nope.”
“You were asleep, though.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
Toby leaned closer and peered at my face. “Sure about that, cos you’ve got sleep lines on your cheek.”
Brilliant. I’d rolled over in whatever daze thinking about him had put me in and imprinted the carpet on my face. “Whatever. I was relaxing. Come inside.”
“You sure? It’s pretty late.”
In answer, I grabbed his hand and yanked him inside. The door shut behind him, and he leaned against it, eyeing me in the dimly lit hallway. He sniffed the air. “I like that smell.”
“Yeah? What do you like about it?”