On the third day, Joe sent me to Truro to pick up the vitamin packs from the vet. The traffic was murder, and a trip that should’ve taken an hour took half the day. Then I got a flat tyre at the side of the A road. By the time I got back to the farm, I was hungrier and dirtier than if I’d spent the day rolling in horse shit.
Harry took pity on me and made me a sandwich that was all meat and no green. I ate it in three bites, then washed my plate at the sink, staring out across the yard at Cole’s house. “Does he ever come out? I haven’t seen him for days.”
If Harry thought it was weird that I was asking about his friend, it didn’t show. He joined me at the sink and rinsed his tea mug. “He’s been around. I had breakfast with him this morning, but that was after Joe sent you out. You must’ve just missed him.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?” A faint flicker of curiosity lit Harry’s kind eyes. “You two getting on then? I was hoping you would.”
“Why?”
“Because Cole’s a lovely dude, and you’re a super-fun person to be around. I figured you’d enjoy each other’s company.”
“I do enjoy his company, but he seems to think he has to be all by himself when he has Ella. What’s up with that?”
Harry shrugged. “Habit, maybe? I’m still getting used to Cole as a father. I’ve only ever known him as a single man.”
“He’s a good dad.”
“I know.”
“Do you think he knows?”
“Probably not.”
Absorbing that, I left Harry in the kitchen, trying to ignore the weight of his gaze tracking me as I strode across the yard to the path that led to Cole’s front door. I hurdled the gate and ducked into the orchard. The cherry blossoms were out now. I drew the pocketknife from my tool belt and cut down a stem that smelt of the past, the future, and everything in between. Soon the pinky-white flowers would turn into the fruit my mum had once made jam with and offered to me as a consolation prize for my dad being a dick.
I didn’t like jam.
But I still loved the blossoms.
I knocked on Cole’s door, half expecting a wall of silence, but it swung open a few moments later, and Cole appeared on the doorstep, eyes heavy, his hair escaping from the knot at the nape of his neck. “Damn. Did I wake you up?”
He shook his head and waved me inside. “That would involve being asleep, and I’ve forgotten what that is.”
“Why? Is Ella keeping you up?”
Cole made a noncommittal sound and disappeared into the living room. I trailed after him, passing Ella, who was happily playing in a playpen on the living room floor. She had a crinkly fabric book and a light-up frog that... barked like a dog?
I tilted my head and frowned. “Does that—”
“Don’t. It’s the only thing keeping her quiet right now, even if it does make me want to stick my head in the oven.”
“That bad, huh?”
Cole sank onto the couch. “Not really. She’s just, I don’t know, a lot sometimes, and I can’t. Fuck, you don’t want to hear this shit.”
“Says who?”
“Dunno. Me? Why would anyone want to listen to me moaning about getting no sleep when my baby sleeps all fucking night long.”
He’d lost me. I sat on the couch, leaving a healthy distance between us and regretting it as I took in the dark smudges under his eyes. Exhaustion didn’t suit Cole, and he seemed as disturbed by it as I was. So often, I longed to touch him for dirty reasons and didn’t quite have the balls, but right now, I wanted to tuck that stray lock of hair behind his ear and give him a hug, and I didn’t have the balls for that either.
I settled for my awkward perch on the couch and nudged his foot with mine. “I want to listen, but I can go away if you want. Leave you in peace.”
Cole snorted, but it seemed to be at himself rather than me.
I nudged him again. “Why are you getting no sleep? Something bothering you?”