I drummed my fingers on my steering wheel, my gaze flicking between my smart watch and the road. Jude had replied to my messages about the cake and balloons, even though he’d answered my query in person two days ago, and I couldn’t help wondering if that meant something. My misguided visit to his shop had been…strange, and I’d left him certain of nothing other than the fact that Jude Harrison was gloriously complicated.
Since then, I’d done my best to put him out of my mind. The party was tomorrow. I just had to get through it without pissing him off and I could go back to a time when he didn’t invade my every thought.
So why were my fingers itching with a desperate need to continue a pointless conversation about frog balloons?
I had zero clue, and I wrestled with myself all the way out of Thorston. It would’ve been so easy to stop by Madfall under the pretence of asking some bonehead question about the party, but my last impromptu visit had been a clusterfuck, and truth be told, I wasn’t in the mood for another one.
Back in London, habit took me to Tottenham and the terraced house where Dom, Lucky, Cash, and Rae lived like a commune of queer students. When I wasn’t with my kids, it was my favourite place to be, even though my place among them didn’t quite make sense. To me, or to them.
I let myself in the side door and called a greeting in case Cash and Rae were fucking in the hallway again.
Rae emerged from the kitchen—dressed, thank fuck—and apparently pleased to see me. “I was hoping you’d stop by. Save me writing a long-arse email about the water pipes.”
“You couldn’t have called?”
“Habit. Besides, Dom says you only pick up if it’s nuclear war.”
“Dom’s a prick, and I don’t take all his calls because if I did, I’d be talking to him a hundred times a day.”
Rae laughed. “You two are like an old married couple.”
“Without the bad sex and hot dinners, but yeah, I see your point.” I toed my shoes off and followed Rae into the kitchen.
Cash was at the stove cooking something that smelled like heaven. He jerked his head at the plates piled up on the counter. “See? Five plates. Fucking psychic, aren’t I?”
“You’re certainly something.” Though he didn’t have to be particularly telepathic to assume I’d rock up at dinnertime on a Saturday night. I had nowhere else to be.
Cash went back to his culinary magic, and Rae joined me at the counter with his laptop. “It was fairly simple,” he said without preamble, one of the reasons I liked him so much. “The water board had found where Goon had cut the connection, but not where we’d fixed it, because we repaired a different section every time. I showed them all the sites.” He flicked through some images on his phone. “The reason your house was so fucked up was because it crosses the gas pipes, but they reckon they can sort it.”
“That’s it?”
“Uh-huh. What were you expecting?”
“Honestly?” I dropped my elbows on the counter. “Catastrophe. Nothing about this build is simple.”
Rae snorted. “What is? But I feel you. Sometimes I thought that land was cursed, but you get out of it what you put in.”
“How fucking spiritual. Won’t lay the bricks, will it?”
“Cynic.”
“Realist. Did you tell Dom all this? It wasn’t just about my house, you know.”
“Wouldn’t have mattered if it was.” Rae shot me a sideways glance. “I owe you a bazillion favours, dude. If I can do anything else, just ask.”
Rae didn’t owe me shit, but it was a debate I was bored with having. I nudged him, then stood. “Dom in the living room?”
“Yup.”
“Super.”
I ambled out of the kitchen and stuck my head around the living room door. Dom was lounging on the couch, watching TV through half lidded eyes with Lucky’s head in his lap. His fingers were tangled in Lucky’s silky hair, thumb stroking Lucky’s cheekbone as he slept. The scene was so picture perfect I couldn’t look at it, and I backed away, unnoticed.
With lead legs, I drifted back to the kitchen. Rae had joined Cash at the stove in another poster pose of domestic bliss. Sometimes, it warmed my pinched heart to see them all so happy, but today it frightened me. Fight or flight built in my gut, and I had to get away.
I fled to the side door, stepped into my shoes, and ghosted out of the house. Leaving was easy, but alone in my car, the anxiety in my chest wouldn’t quit. I rubbed my sternum, and considered my options. Sleeping at Mina’s made sense as I had to be there at the crack of dawn anyway for Tam’s birthday, but slumber parties in a house where I knew she had a fella when the kids weren’t around were so not my bag. Dom’s empty apartment didn’t appeal to me either for…reasons, so that left actually going home, something I’d avoided for the best part of a month.
On edge, I drove home. On the way, my phone rang repeatedly, but I silenced Dom’s calls, ignored his messages, and eventually turned my phone off. He was used to me bailing on him, and he’d let it go once I let him know there was nothing actually wrong.