“Seen it?”
“Yeah. I’ve been YouTubing the fuck out of you the last few weeks.” A blush stole over Rhys’s face but he held Jevon’s gaze. “I saw the videos from Calais and Idomeni. What you do is amazing—it’s part of you—and I’d never ask you to give it up.”
Jevon shrugged. “I could contribute from here, in the hospitals and the detention centres.”
Rhys’s heart leapt as he considered the prospect but sank again just as fast. “I don’t think you could. I’m not saying that side of it isn’t important, but what about those kids getting off the boats in Greece? The ones that don’t make it to the UK? There’s plenty of clowns in this country, Jevon, but there ain’t many waiting on the beaches at Lesbos.”
“Wow. You really have done your research.”
“Not on purpose. I just missed you and wanted to know more about you than what makes you come.”
Jevon sighed, shaking his head slightly at Rhys’s weak attempt at humour. “You’re right. I can’t give it up. Those kids, man... theyneedtheir childhood back, even if it’s just a few moments of laughter. I’m not a one-man band—there’s a crew of us, a troupe—but however much it’s going to kill me to leave you behind, I couldn’t live with myself if I walked away.”
It was nothing Rhys hadn’t known already, but it hurt all the same. All the more because he knew Jevon was right. A Jevon who left his life’s work by the wayside wasn’t the man who’d stolen his heart. The hard way was the only way. “Can I ask you something?”
Jevon sat up for real and tied his dreads back from his face. “Of course.”
“How on earth did you end up being a clown? I mean, you’ve already told me how you got to working with kids and in the camps and stuff, but you never said how the clown skin became your vehicle for that.”
Jevon smiled and shook his head. “I thought you were going to ask me why I chose the butt plug from your box.”
“Nope. You don’t need to verbally explain that to me. I’ve seen it.”
“Git.” Jevon rolled his eyes, but his expression fell serious again as he considered Rhys’s question. “I s’pose I should probably start by clarifying that I’m not just a clown, and definitely not the type people have nightmares about. It’s the easiest way to explain it when people ask, but I do other circus acts—acrobatics, trapeze, stuff like that.”
Rhys groaned. “Stop. I’ve got such a fetish for acrobats.”
“Lucky me.Anyway, it started when I was about six, I think? My sister was really ill for a long time. Clowning around and making her laugh was the only thing I could do to make her feel better. And... later, when I was at school and kids just wanted to touch my hair, throwing myself around was a good way of distracting them.”
“And combining it with social work was a natural progression?”
“I guess,” Jevon said. “It took a while because school didn’t pan out, but I went back and got a masters from the Open University eventually.”
“That’s amazing.”
“Not really. It’s kind of sad we don’t have an education system that works for children who don’t fit in certain boxes, but that’s a rant for another day.”
I could love him. “What’s your sister’s name?”
The wry humour faded from Jevon’s face. “Melody, but she died when I was fourteen. Leukaemia.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” Jevon said. “She was a year older than me, but we were like twins until she got sick. After that, I grew up at her bedside.”
“So you know first hand how much it means to make sick and sad children smile.”
It wasn’t a question. More a realisation of what made this incredible man tick. And in any case, Jevon shook his head. “What I do now isn’t about me. It’s so much bigger, but at the same time painfully simple. Every child has the right to be anything they want to be. My job is to help them believe that.”
Maybe I do love him.
And maybe Jevon knew. He coaxed Rhys into laying his head in his lap and toyed with his hair, rubbed his neck, and stroked his face until Rhys’s mind quieted.
He leaned down and put his lips to Rhys’s ear. “Go back to sleep. I’ve got you.”
* * *
Camden was so Jevon. Vibrant. Alive. Rhys ambled beside him, their hands brushing with every step, and tried not to stare as Jevon drank it all in.