Jevon smirked, but questions danced in his eyes.
Rhys propped his phone up on the pillow so he could see him better. “What is it?”
“What?”
“Whatisit? I can tell you want to ask me something.”
“How can you tell?”
“Psychic. Now spit it out.”
Jevon bit his lip and sighed. “Are you fucking anyone else? I mean, I know it’s not my business, but I feel like—I dunno—I need to know? Is that cool?”
“Of course it’s cool.” Rhys had never been so relieved he’d met Jevon when he had. “I’m not fucking anyone else, and I haven’t been since a month before I met you.”
“Seriously?” The surprise in Jevon’s face would’ve been funny if it hadn’t stung so much.
“Seriously. I told you when we met that I was trying to live a different life. I don’t regret anything—or anyone—I’ve done, but it wasn’t making me happy.”
“Not even with Angelo and Dylan?”
“Especially not with them. Jesus, I’ve already had this conversation with Harry this week, but if you must know, fucking them was the worst. They’re so happy and secure with each other that nothing else matters to them. They can go to the club and play around and no one gets hurt. But—”
“But it hurt you?”
“Yes. Jealousy is an evil thing.”
“It’s not jealousy to want happiness.”
“Maybe not, but it felt that way at the time, so I stopped playing with them. Then I found I couldn’t face being with anyone until I met you. There’s no one else, Jevon. I swear.”
“I believe you,” Jevon whispered. “I just don’t know if we can do this without one of us getting hurt.”
Rhys had nothing because it was too late to save himself. Saying goodbye to Jevon would tear him apart whether he did it now or when he left the country. “I don’t know either. I’m trying not to think too far ahead.”
“Is that a plan?”
“An ill-advised one, I’d imagine.”
“Uh-huh.” Jevon lay back on a wide bed, his hair fanning out on the pristine white sheets. “It could work, though. I legit called you up with the intention of having some fuck-hot phone sex, but here we are angsting round in circles again. If I wasn’t half lashed, I’d maybe think we should read something into that, but right now, I just want to be with you.”
“I want that too.” Rhys had spent most of his life practising the art of shutting down his emotions. At work, he still reached for that switch, but he’d never quite managed it with Jevon. Had never found a safe place to hide.
There was no safe place now, but they couldn’t talk their way past the inevitable, so why bother?
Fuck it. The determination that had carried Rhys home from the bar returned with a couple of mates. He rose up on his knees and closed his hand around his hard length. His phone was propped just high enough to fit his whole body in shot, and he tipped Jevon a wink. “I wish I could fuck you right now, but as that’s not going to happen, perhaps I can show you something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know... you said you like watching me come. How about I show you how hard I can nut around my favourite dildo?”
Jevon swallowed. Even on the tiny phone screen, his throat worked convulsively. “You have no idea how much I want to see that. Um, out of interest? How versatile are you?”
“Very. I know you’re nervous about topping, but if it’s something you ever want to try, it’s on the table.Everything’son the table.”
Jevon’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as he palmed himself. “You’re gonna kill me. You’re literally every fantasy I’ve ever had come to life.”
Rhys wanted to be so much more than that, but right now, it was all they had. He left Jevon hanging a moment and rummaged under his bed. His box of tricks had been neglected in recent months and was covered in a thin layer of dust. He wiped it clean with a sock from the nearby laundry basket, then heaved it onto the bed and nudged off the lid. “Pick and mix. Whatever you want.”