We were in total darkness by the time Kim let out a soft sigh. “Lena came to see me earlier. Said she shouted at you in Becky’s.”
It took me a moment to pair my encounter with Red to the name of the coffee shop beside Blood Rush. “There wasn’t much shouting. She did boot me one, though.”
“Shit. Sorry. She’s got a bee in her bonnet about me being a terminal bachelor.”
The theory didn’t quite match with the free-loving lifestyle I’d come to associate with Kim and Red. I said as much, and Kim chuckled darkly. “All the fuck-hot sex in the world doesn’t stop you being lonely.”
“I’d settle for the fuck-hot sex.”
“I don’t give you that?”
Silence. I wondered if Kim might zone out again, but he didn’t. He squeezed my hand and fixed me with a gaze that made the tempestuous night brewing outside fade to nothing. “I fuck Lena because she’s my safe place, whether we bring anyone else along for the ride or not. Being with you is different.”
“Different?”
“Yeah. I don’t fuck you because I want to . . . It’s because Ineedto, and I don’t know how I’m going to give that up.”
“So don’t. We both need a friend and we both need to fuck, right?”
I said it with a grin, but the humour was loaded, and Kim looked away. “You do realise we spend way too much time talking about this, don’t you?”
“Not especially. I’m hoping we’ll figure it all out one day soon.”
“Me too. You’re on my mind a lot, which is probably why Lena came after you. She worries about me when I’m quiet.”
“She didn’t come after me.”
“No?” Kim treated me to another intense stare. “What the fuck happened, then? ’Cause I didn’t exactly give her a chance to explain.”
“I was talking to Brix outside the studio. She came out, and we went next door for a coffee. I’m sure she’s told you the rest.”
“Only that she was a dick.”
“She wasn’t a dick.”
“Her words, not mine.” Kim smiled tiredly. “Argue the toss with her.”
“No, thanks. I’m still bruised from losing the last round.” I rubbed my thumb over Kim’s tattooed knuckles. “For what it’s worth, though, I think she just wants you to be happy.”
Kim sighed. “Oh, I know that. I guess I’m a bit depressed. It happens now and then, especially when something good happens in my life. Weird, eh?”
Being mildly miserable had become my baseline, so I had to take his word for it. Besides, speculating about the new positivity in his life was distracting, though I wasn’t anywhere near optimistic enough to believe it could be me. “Would it help if we fucked on the car bonnet?”
“Probably. Bit cold for alfresco nookie, though.”
He had me there. “Listen—”
“Look—” he said at the same time, turning to face me.
“Go on,” I said.
He shrugged. “It’s stupid when I say it out loud.”
“Not as stupid as what I was about to say.”
“You should go first, then.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to refuse, but the sad fire in Kim’s eyes had faded a touch, perhaps lightened by my awkward attempts at humour, and the reckless numbnut in me figured I had nothing to lose. “This friends thing we’ve got going on. Any chance we could add in some, uh—”