Kim shifted, perhaps knowing my fascination with him would force me to look at him. “Dude, I’m pansexual as fuck—I ain’t ever been straight. And I’ve been single for more than a year.”
I let what I’d already known wash over me and absorbed the rest. “You’re single?”
“Yup.”
“But—”But what?How could he be single when the heat between him and Red had just about burned my retinas? I sighed. “There’s something between you and her, but she didn’t seem to mind catching you with me. Friends with benefits? Not that you have to explain yourself to me, or anything. I mean—”
“Jas, it’s fine. I didn’t come here to bullshit you.”
“Thought you came to look at the barn?”
“Are you going to let me speak?”
I pursed my lips and waved my hand. Kim looked like he might laugh, but he didn’t. His gaze remained fixed on mine as he leaned back and folded his hands behind his head. “Me and Lena goback. We met at an ink convention in Bristol a decade ago. She’s kinda my soul mate, but we ain’t together now, and that isn’t going to change.”
“You split up?”
“A year ago. I love her to bits, but there’s more out there for both of us.”
“But you still have sex.”
It wasn’t a question, but Kim nodded anyway. “Not often, just when she’s down these parts and we’re both single, or with folk who like to play too. She lives in Bristol, you see. She’s only in Porthkennack for a few weeks while her band tours Devon and Cornwall, and then she’s off to the States.”
“. . .with folk who like to play too.”
The way Kim’s gentle Cornish brogue wrapped around every word made me shiver in ways my brothers’ local accents never had. I rubbed my arms and tried to make sense of the whirling dervish in my mind. Kim wasn’t with Red after all, but what did that mean? As I stared at him, I suddenly realised that I had no clue. The idea that he’d cheated on Red with me had made me sick to my stomach, but the knowledge that he hadn’t—that he’d simply branched out from his usual brand of orgy— Jesus Christ. I didn’t know whether to be turned on as hell, or fucking terrified.
Either way, I was grateful for his honesty, even if it did mean confronting the fact that my so-called liberal self was actually a judgemental bastard. “I don’t know what to say.”
“So don’t say anything. I’m not asking for your approval, mate.”
Of course he wasn’t. And why the hell should he? I shook my head, as much at myself as at him. “What really split you and Red up? Was it the drink?”
“It didn’t help.” Kim dropped his arms and leaned forward, losing some of his nonchalance. “I hit rock-bottom, more than once, and I think that’s why she stayed with me so long. It took us both a while to believe I’d survive without her.”
“But you manage, eh?”
“Just about. Brix coming home helped for a while—before the drink took over again. Life can get pretty lonely around here when you’re the only bloke who likes cock.”
I snorted. “You can’t be the only one.”
“Course I’m not. It just felt like it when Brix left all them years ago, and I found myself lonely enough to go looking for mates on the sauce.”
“I’m glad you’re not lonely anymore.”
“Me too.”
I chewed on my lip, my teeth gnawing at the chapped skin, a bad habit I’d developed in the throes of a mammoth photo-edit many years ago. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, and I welcomed it, glad of the distraction.Emo, much?
Kim rescued my bottom lip with a swipe of his thumb. “I take it from your silence that you’re not interested in hooking up again? Get to know each other a little better?”
Not interested?God, I was interested—too fucking interested, but after years of following my heart, my dick, and every other part of my anatomy except my brain, for once, common sense kicked in. “I’d love to get to know you better, but I haven’t got the head space for anything more. I just got out of a shit relationship and—”
“Still reeling, eh?”
“Something like that.” And that was putting it mildly. My own vague bisexuality meant the idea of Kim and Red together was hotter than I cared to admit, but I’d learned the hard way that crowded relationships brought nothing but trouble and heartache.
Kim smiled. “Fair enough. Can’t blame me for asking, though. I really like you, Jas, and I was looking forward to seeing your work.”