Max looked down at their joined hands. “Huh?”
Jed patted the bed. “Bring your food and come up here. Can’t promise I’ll keep it down, but I can try.”
It took a moment for Max to register Jed’s sudden change of heart. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but Jed persevered until Max relented and jumped up to sit cross-legged at the foot of the bed.
Jed scooted back, and, following Max’s silent direction, he put the foot of his bad leg in Max’s lap. He squinted at the small foil-covered bowl Max held. “What did you bring me?”
“Yam stew. You don’t have to eat it, though. I just figured it was better than….”
“Hand it over.”
Max complied, but his skepticism was clear, and not entirely unfounded. Jed unwrapped the bowl and poked its contents with the fork Max helpfully supplied.
“If this is gonna work, you need to distract me. Talk to me about something else.”
“I’m sorry for what I said about Paul.”
Okay. It wasn’t quite what Jed had in mind, but he supposed now was as good a time as any. There was so much they needed to talk about, but this was something he’d found himself thinking about, even in moments when he couldn’t breathe through the crippling pain in his belly.
“Don’t be sorry. You were right. I do… I did love him, probably more than I should have, but it’s not the same as how I feel about you. I thought it was, but it’s not.”
Silence. Max opened his mouth and shut it again, before he seemed to gather himself. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Say nothing at all for months on end, then kill me dead in three sentences?”
Jed shrugged. “It’s a gift. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I flipped my shit at you. I should’ve given you a chance to explain.”
“I wouldn’t have, though, would I? I would’ve walked away. I’ve done it before.”
“With your ex?”
Max leaned over and pushed Jed’s fork-holding hand toward the untouched bowl of food. “Yeah, I guess. He was a good guy, but there was too much stacked between us, you know? The seizures, all the shit I couldn’t tell him. Even the city was too much for me. We were screwed from the beginning.” Max paused a moment. “What about you? Any crazy exes lurking about?”
“No exes at all.” Jed took a tiny mouthful of food, chewed, and swallowed before he could think about it too hard. “I’ve never had time to make that commitment, but I don’t think that’s because I’m gay. It’s not something I ever wanted.”
Max absently rubbed circles into the ball of Jed’s foot. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Did your mum know you were gay?”
Jed swallowed a second, more adventurous bite of food. “No. She died when I was a kid. EvenIdidn’t know I was gay. I was dating little Molly Sue from across the street.”
“You had a girlfriend?” Max tried and failed to hide his amusement. “How old were you?”
“Nine, I think, maybe eight. I can’t really remember, but my mom had no idea.”
“Do you think she would’ve minded?”
Jed had a pretty good idea where this was headed, and it was something that had played on his mind even before he knew the truth about Max’s parents. He’d seen with his own eyes what happened to openly gay men in Africa… young men mutilated and burned alive. “I don’t know how she would’ve felt about it. I wasn’t old enough to know where she stood on shit like that.” He paused and waited for the protest in his belly to settle down. “What about yours?”
“No, God, no. I think my dad had an idea, but my mum… fuck, no way. She was a progressive thinker, and I know she loved me, but it would’ve devastated her.”
“That can’t have been easy. Being a gay teenager is hard enough.”
“Tell me about it.” Max shifted on the bed. Jed felt his warmth seep into his legs and up his body. “I hated it. I remember being at school and watching my mates with their girlfriends, and not understanding why I didn’t want that too. I guess I figured it went hand in hand with being a freak.”