She stepped forward and left the shop instead.
Chapter Nine
Lily was up at dawn, as was everyone else in the house with the red roof. Sitting together at the table, they broke their fast on bread, butter seasoned with rosemary and garlic, two apples each, and ale.
She listened to the men talk about the landscape and how some parts of the journey would be harder than others. But her thoughts were solely on Elias, sitting across from her, and the hours they’d spent in the shop last eve. Talking, laughing, practicing. He made her feel happy and hopeful. And she was able to forget her shame for a little while.
She turned her gaze on Richard while he spoke. She was certain he’d been quite a handsome man in his youth. His eyes were dark sable brown, his nose was straight and his chin, beneath his long gray beard was still strong.
He caught her gaze and smiled at her. She smiled back and felt her eyes begin to burn. Being with him was like having her father back. There was no sexual interaction of any kind between them, just gentleness and patience. She loved him and she hated herself for betraying it.
She tried to think of anything to get her mind off Elias and the touch of his hands when he took hers after she’d smashed her finger. The way his indomitable strength covered her when he stood behind her and helped her toss his dagger and then wrapped her in his cloak and pressed his nose to her hair, and the back of her neck. Fire had crackled her bones and turned to liquid in her blood. It was happening now, just thinking of him. He’d walked her to bed and bid her good sleep.
She hadn’t gotten any.
She wanted to fall at Richard’s feet and beg his forgiveness for enjoying her time with someone else so much.
One of them said something that made the others smile and look at her.
“I must fetch Pip before we go,” she told them and rose from her seat. Brother Simon nearly jumped out of his when she went near him.
She went to him and tried to comfort him. “Dear Brother, I do not have her in my hands. Does even the talk of cats frighten you?”
He nodded sheepishly.
“Will you tell me why sometime?” she asked, genuinely interested.
“Of course, lass,” the brother replied. “Mayhap on the way home.”
“Aye,” she grinned at him and then went off to find her cat.
She found Pip inside the shop. Before she left, she looked around at the bare shelves and the few pots of herbs hanging from the rafters. It made her belly knot and her heart break. She didn’t want to leave her life here, but she wiped her nose, grabbed her cat, and left the shop.
It took another hour and a half for everyone to be ready to go with his or her belongings. Most carried sacks. Some laid their sacks and goods on makeshift wooden sleds. They’d gone through everything they had and were forced to choose only the bare basics of what they needed.
“I do not know how my daughter, Deirdre, is going to hold up.” Martin Miller found her and filled her ear with concern over his daughter. “She is due to have her child any time now.”
Walter the butcher and his wife, Eleanor, hurried toward her. “Lily, I need to see Richard,” Walter pleaded. “I did not sleep last eve and now my head is splitting.”
Lily was moved with compassion for him, for she knew what he was feeling. “Forgive me, Walter, but I do hope you will understand how scarce the herbs are going to be. We must endure some things and preserve what we have.”
“Aye,” he said, looking disappointed, and walked away rubbing his head.
She turned back to Martin. “Where were we? Oh, aye. Deirdre. Fear not, she will ride on Brother Simon’s horse.”
His face transformed and he offered her a radiant smile. “Bless you, Lily.”
She found Clare next. She and Elias helped Clare secure her two sacks to the donkey. “I’m frightened, Lily,” Clare confided. “I’m frightened for my child. What if the pestilence follows us?”
“We will keep eyes on it through Osbert’s friends and keep moving if we have to. But we will not die.”
Clare sniffed and nodded, but she didn’t look convinced. She smiled at Elias, though, when he lifted little Eddie over his head and set him down on his shoulders.
A thought flashed across Lily’s mind. What if she died? Would Elias marry Clare? What was stopping him from pursuing little Eddie’s mother now?
She hated her thoughts and tried to outrun them by going to Richard and helping him mount Elias’ horse. The stallion was enormous. It took Lily, Father Benedict, Simon, and Osbert to help.
She didn’t want to ride. She wanted to walk, to be among her friends as they set out on this new adventure. She saw Elias and little Eddie and went to them, drawn to him, stirred from some primitive part of her by the sight of him with the two-year-old boy, to have his children.