She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Then hold me again, Ronan Wilde, cuz I don't want you to lose that feeling."
We kissed again until a big truck rumbled around the corner, shaking us from our trance along with a few birds from the nearby trees. "Damn, there's the lumber truck. Can I see you tonight?"
Rachel shook her head slightly. "I took a few nights off my other job, so I could be home with Mom and Jack. I think she needs me right now. She's still shaken."
"Yeah, I get it."
She adjusted her purse on her shoulder and turned to leave. She stopped after a few steps. "Do you like macaroni and cheese? I make a pretty good one, and I promised Jack I'd make it tonight."
"Well, that depends. Bread crumb topping?"
"What kind of monster do you take me for? Of course there'll be bread crumbs."
I closed the gap between us and gave her another kiss. "I'll be there."
"Great. See you then."
I saluted her and headed across the street. I glanced back as I reached the other side. She was just reaching the diner. She unlocked the door and looked back at me over her shoulder. There were no waves or smiles, we just gazed at each other as if both of us had just entered some new space in our lives. A space that was either going to lead somewhere good or somewhere that was going to leave us both broken. Either way, I was up for the challenge.
seventeen
. . .
Rachel
"Jack, sweetie, could you go color or read with Nonna?" Jack had been drumming on the bottom of a pot with a wooden spoon for fifteen minutes while I tried to finish cooking. After I'd impulsively invited Ronan for dinner, it occurred to me that the apartment was a mess and one small plate of mac and cheese wasn't enough for a man his size. I stopped at the store on the way home from work and grabbed salad fixings, a tray of fudgy brownies and a bottle of wine.
Mom had heard me trying to convince Jack to give up his new musical career. "Jackie, let's go color."
"Can we color the new one, with the dragons?"
"Absolutely."
Jack threw down the wooden spoon. The pan fell off his lap and clattered on the floor. Mom picked it up. Somehow knowing that she'd survived what she thought was a heart attack had given her new energy and a renewed interest in her health. "I only want a small bite of mac and cheese. I'll eat mostly salad without dressing." I smiled to myself as she said it while at the same time breaking off a tiny corner of the brownie.
Mom came up behind me and squeezed me. "You look happy."
"You act as if I was constantly walking around with a permanent frown and scowl."
Mom turned and leaned against the counter to watch as I cut the greens for the salad. "Not a scowl. But maybe a bit of a frown. But tonight, you have a fresh pink blush on your face, and there's this fun little smile trying to stay suppressed, but I can see it."
I reached for the tomatoes. "It's just a dinner." I lowered the knife for a second and looked at her. "I like him. Not going to deny it. He's got something. Not sure what it is."
Mom laughed. "Oh, I can think of a few attributes right off the bat."
I tapped her arm. "You shallow woman."
"Hey, I'm old, but I'm not dead, and that man is pure masculinity at its absolute finest. Jack keeps asking when his new friend Ronan is coming."
"Jack is my number one concern always. I won't lie. The way I saw Ronan take over with him last night, it made my heart ache. He was a natural, and Jack took to him instantly."
Mom reached over and touched my cheek. "Jack should be your number one priority, but you have to like the man, too. You can't fall for someone just because they know how to talk to a three-year-old. Don't let that and his incredible green eyes be the only criteria."
I sighed loudly. "Again, Mom, I'm not sixteen. Yes, I was taken in by his looks at first. I don't know how that could be avoided. He's beautiful. But there's something more about him." I looked at her. "I like him. I just don't know how he'll fit in my life. I'm pretty sure his financial security is even worse than mine, and that's saying a lot. We can't make a life on a whisper and good chemistry."
"Why not?"
"Because it's too hard, Mom. It's stressful not knowing if we'll be able to stay in this apartment or when the next car or healthcatastrophe will happen. It's hard waking up every day knowing I have to work two jobs, miss time with my little boy and still not know if I can pay the bills."