“I need a house,” I muse. While I still have my studio apartment, it’s more or less used for all the sentimental things that were my grandparents, as well as some of my stuff I’ve gathered over the years. My room here at the clubhouse is a decent size, but rightnow, neither place is sufficient to house me and a baby who’s going to have a shit ton of stuff.
“Brother, we’ll get you one of the larger suites for the time being. No sense in you jumping into anything just to have a place,” Rebel states.
“I can help keep Cami on my off days as well,” Phoebe offers. “Plus, you’re going to need to come and get her furniture and stuff.”
I’ve gone up against some serious opponents in my life, even fought to survive a time or two andneverfelt the fear that is currently coursing through my body the way it is right now at being responsible for raising a child. I can feel myself spiraling as a cold sweat forms between my shoulder blades.
“Prophet!” Rebel’s voice pulls me out of the abyss I was sinking into, and I focus on him. “You lived with your grandparents, correct?” At my nod, he says, “So, you probably helped with the foster kids from time to time. The only difference now is that Cami is your flesh and blood and you’re worried that you’re going to fuck her up. Am I correct?”
I start to nod when he barks out, “Use your words, dammit!”
“Yeah, pres, that’s exactly what I’m thinking,” I admit.
“Prophet,” Holly says, “don’t forget, you’re not alone in this at all. The Steel Raiders are family, and everyone will help as much as possible while you wrap your head around all of this.”
Her words settle me more than anything else and I’m finally able to take a deep breath. “Sorry for freaking out, y’all. This is… this is a lot to process.”
“But you’re not doing it alone,” Rebel asserts. “Just like Holly said, every one of your brothers, as well as Esther, Paul, and Marnie, are here for you. And it sounds like Phoebe is as well. So, first things first, we’ll move the pack and play we have into your room, then tomorrow, we’ll go to Phoebe’s and get her crib and stuff. If that’s okay, Phoebe?”
She gulps and I think reality is setting in about the fact that Cami isn’t going to be under her roof any longer. “Yes, that’s fine. I’m off tomorrow, so I’ll go home and start boxing stuff up.”
“No, you won’t,” Holly decrees. “We’re celebrating Marnie and Ash’s wedding today, so you’re coming back out to the common room and enjoying yourself. We’ll come and help tomorrow, there’s no reason for it to be all on your shoulders. Plus, you’ll be around, I’m sure, so you can visit with Cami since she’s your cousin.”
“Good idea,” I state. “Let’s go do that before everyone realizes we’re all missing.”
Rebel chuckles while shaking his head. “The alcohol is flowing, but regardless, you know how we roll, Prophet.”
“She’s beautiful, Prophet,” Esther says, looking down at my sleeping girl.
“Yeah, she is,” I reply, my own gaze not leaving the chubby cheeks or the bow lips that are pursed like she’s about to blow a kiss or something.
“I’m here for whatever you need,” she states. “But I won’t overstep.”
Holly, overhearing her grandmother, starts giggling. “You know you will, Grammy, but it’s okay, it comes from a good place.”
“I’ll take all the help I can get, my granny usually didn’t take in babies or infants unless it was a quick emergency placement, and of course, I didn’t help with those cases,” I admit. “So, diaper changes, baths, feeding, all those things, are new to me.”
Phoebe, who has stayed close, whips out her phone and says, “If you’ll give me your number, I have Cami’s schedule in my notes that I can send to you.”
I rattle off my phone number and within a minute or so, hear the chime letting me know I’ve got a text. “Appreciate it, Phoebe,” I say as I look at what she sent.
“I’m sure you’ll have to adjust it to fit your schedule,” she replies, “but she’s an easygoing baby, so you shouldn’t have any problems at all.”
With the reception still in full gear hours later, we’ve gravitated to a corner that’s a little more private. Cami seems content in my arms, which kind of shocks me because from what I remember growing up with Granny, babies don’t typically react well when they’re around someone new. Looking at the schedule again, I realize it’s long past time for her to be put down for bed.
“I should probably get her settled in the pack and play for the night,” I murmur. Suddenly, I’m nervous about being alone with my daughter. What if something happens? Before I can spiral, I feel Phoebe’s hand on my arm.
She gives my arm a gentle squeeze before stating, “Let me give you a hand, then I’m going to head out so I can get some rest before tomorrow.”
I gladly take her assistance and it’s not long before Cami is snuggled into her temporary bed, sound asleep even though the party downstairs is still going strong. “I’ll walk you out,” I tell Phoebe as she gathers her purse and walks toward the door. If she hadn’t had a baby monitor in the diaper bag, I’m not sure I would’ve offered that, but with it all set up, I feel confident about heading downstairs with Phoebe long enough to make sure she gets to her vehicle safely.
Not that there should ever be an issue since we’re on club property, but I was raised by a man from a generation where women didn’t walk by themselves. Despite the fact that I’m now living in a completely different world, my early raising hasn’t deserted me yet, and I don’t foresee it going anywhere as old as I am now.
“You don’t have to do that, Eli,” she states. “I’m perfectly capable of walking to my car by myself. Been doing it for years now.”
“My gramps would beat my ass if I let a woman walk herself to her vehicle without an escort,” I reply. “He may be gone now, but I don’t relish waking up to his ghost yelling at me.”
She giggles then nods. “Fine, since I don’t want you to be haunted, I’ll accept your kind gesture.”