Mark’s face flushes a pink color I’ve never seen it before. “I think you should get to work now.”
I take a step back. “Is that a no?” I ask him, confused.
“Jesus Christ. Do I have to spell it out for you? I’m not interested, and if you keep bothering me, I’m going to HR.” Mark turns away from me with a huff.
I take another step back, then turn around and head for my desk, clutching my drink and my messenger bag to my body.
As I set my things down in my cubicle, I feel like I’m in a daze. I don’t understand what’s just happened, what I did wrong, nor why Mark reacted that way to me.
“Next time, don’t insult a guy before asking him out,” a voice comes from the left of me. It’s Nathan Greer. Another man who works in the office. “And maybe don’t ask a married man out. Jeez Felicity.” He smirks at me. I smile back at him. He stops smiling and gives me a look that a lot of people give me, one I still don’t understand, before he walks away.
My smile falls as I process his works. My eyes begin to burn.
“I wasn’t asking anyone out,” I mumble. “I wasn’t insulting anyone.” I take a slow breath as tears sting at my waterline.
“I can’t do anything right can I?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and try not to let the tears drip down my cheeks but they do. I can’t help it. I feel overwhelmed by the emotion. Rejection. Misunderstanding.
I wipe at my cheeks while getting logged into the system and starting my work. I type faster than anyone else on this floor, so I get the most work and I get through it faster than they even give it to me. Still, by the time it’s all done, I’m exhausted. Being under the lights, surrounded by people who just glance and glare at me all day… Even lunch is depressing. Sitting in my car all alone eating a salad and some cookies.
The only way I get through the day is by listening to my favorite music in my headphones and having some cute trinketson my desk. They’re all moon and tarot themed. I’ve always felt close to the earth, and I like to do the occasional tarot readings.
Today, for some reason, I find myself googling some things while on my break. More witchcraft than I usually let myself indulge in. My parents warned me off it when I was young, and even tarot took me a while to open up to.
The words: Discover Who You Really Are on my screen makes my mind whirl.
I look behind my shoulder for a moment. I only have a few minutes until I need to get back to work, but…maybe I can look it over just once. I’m looking at it on my phone after all, not the work computer.
After clicking the link, I scroll through the page. There are some pop-up ads and I have to reload the page once to get the entire thing to show, but it’s fairly simple really.
“If I get some red candles, I could do this,” I tell myself. Then I look up at the ceiling in thought.
Am I really that desperate to try a spell to learn more about myself?
I look back down and click the button to bookmark the page before turning the screen on my phone off.
Yes, yes I am.
***
Later that night after taking a nice hot shower and putting on my cozy pink and purple pajamas with ruffles at the hem of the sleeves and legs, I get together everything I need to do the spell.
Perhaps it seems like a silly thing to be doing, but I have nothing to lose. I don’t think.
I grabbed the red candles on the way home from work, so now I’m just grabbing some lavender, charcoal, black pepper, and…something sweet to mix it together with. It doesn’t specify, just that it should be a bright color for smearing around. I decide on strawberry jam. I’ve got some that needs to be used anyway.
I do it on the kitchen floor, because it’s tile and will be easy to clean up.
I mix everything together and then draw the three symbols together on the floor in a two-foot circle around the three red candles that have yet to be lit.
“Hm. Honestly doesn’t taste too bad,” I say as I lick a little off my finger. I do it again, and make a face. “Never mind.”
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to wash it off my hand, it doesn’t say, so I decide keeping it on that hand might be more beneficial. Make myself connected to the spell more deeply. If that’s a thing.
I still have one clean hand though, and I use that one to light the candles with a long lighter. One by one.
“Show me who I am by day, show me who I am by night. Bring me what I desire most, bring me the answer’s host.”I say as I light them.