Chapter Nine
I immediately reach my hand out when I wake up, but I’m let down when I realize Finn never showed up last night. I put my pillow over my face and let out a frustrated noise, hoping the pillow muffles it enough that no one could hear me hosting a pity party for myself if they walked by.
If I were watching someone else do this, I would be embarrassed for them. I’m acting like I’ve been with him forever, like he’s been gone forever, but it’s barely been a few days. Something just feels right with him, though. I know I’m supposed to be here.
My self-doubt creeps in as I get ready. I sit at my vanity and pull a brush from one of the drawers I went through last night, zoning out while I run it through my purple tangles.
What if he regrets what we did? What if I came onto him too fast? In my defense, he came onto me just as quickly. What if I was too clingy yesterday? Or had too many questions?
Why is my brain doing this? I’m not the world’s most confident woman, but I’ve never been down this bad for a guy. Granted, I’ve never met a guy like Finn. Most of them aren’t as poetic, emotionally mature, or as patient as he is. Most of themalso aren’t as green as he is. And from what I felt the other night, most of them don’t have dicks as big as his, either.
I snap out of it. I need to meet Veyra for lunch. Brecht stops by to ask if I need help getting to the dining hall, but I tell her I can manage. I glance at myself one last time in the mirror, and I swear my reflection lags a bit. I just saw myself blink, and that was fucking weird. I must be sleepy.
I pass door after door, humming quietly as I make my way to meet Veyra. I see one is slightly open, and I slow down when I hear Finn’s voice inside. I’m about to open it the rest of the way, but stop when I hear a laugh, followed by shushing, then quieter giggles. They don’t belong to Finn. There’s a woman in there with him. I can’t see in, but I do notice a mirror on the wall. It’s fucked up, and I have no right to do it, but I quietly move until I’m in a position where I can see the desk Finnick is sitting at. I don’t see all of him, though, because most of him is under the skirt of the girl sitting on top of said desk. He comes up from between her thighs and smooths her dress down.
I’ve been hurt before, plenty of times. A lifetime of it, to be honest, but I’ve never felt like my heart was physically breaking. I can’t stop watching.
I see Finn’s smug grin, the same expression he had when he came up for air after making me come on his tongue multiple times. I watch him wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, and one by one, suck each of his fingers clean. The girl giggles again and says his name like he’s embarrassing her. She takes a strand of loose hair that’s fallen from his bun and twirls it around her finger, and I immediately want to break every finger she has. I’m fuming, but I remain quiet. I want to leave, but I physically can’t.
“When is the little human girl leaving?” Her voice is saccharine sweet, fake as fuck.
“Not soon enough,” Finn sighs, as though he doesn’t even want to talk about me. “I just wanted to fuck her, just to see whatthe deal was with humans. We didn’t even get that far, though. I got bored with her after eating her cunt. Yesterday, all she did was follow me around like a lost puppy. I finally got rid of her when she took a bath, thank the gods. I think I heard her crying last night.” He laughs sardonically. I’m seeing red.
The girl touches his nose softly. “You need to get ready for your lunch, Your Majesty,” she says flirtatiously. “I wish you didn’t have to go.” She trails off, fake ass voice full of fake ass sadness.
“Why do I need to leave? I’ve got what I want to eat right in front of me.”
He throws her skirt over his head again, and she squeals, and I know the exact moment when his tongue touches her because her low moan carves through the hollows of my chest.
I can’t watch anymore. I hurry away, the sound of her panting seeming to follow me, surrounding me. I wait for a moment when I reach the dining hall and try to compose myself before going in to sit with Veyra. I take deep breaths, focusing on counting my exhales.
It must work, because Veyra doesn’t seem to notice I’m livid, or if she does, she doesn’t mention it. The door opens, and Finn rushes in.
“I’m so sorry I’m late,” he babbles. “I got caught up trying to look through my mother’s journals to find out anything I could about the spell.”
He smooths the top of my hair down, leaning in to affectionately kiss the top of my head. I squeeze the fork in my hand until my knuckles are white, repeating the mantra that I can’t stab people at the table.
“I’m surprised you’re still hungry, Finnick,” I seethe. I can hear the venom in my tone, and for once, I don’t try to take it down a notch. “As much as you’ve eaten this morning, that is.”I stab at the salad in front of me, shoveling in a mouthful of lettuce. Finn looks baffled. What a good actor.
“Sorry, Veyra. It seems like my appetite has left,” I say as I scoot my chair back to leave. “Thank you for having me.” I smile at her and go, wanting to get the fuck away from him.
For once, I’m glad that the castle is huge and confusing. I don’t want to be found. I end up discovering a large library and spend the rest of my day there, diving into books that I’ve never heard of, some in languages I’ve never seen. At some point, I doze off in the chair.
When I wake, it’s dark. I’m a little anxious. I didn’t mean to spend this much time here, and I’m not exactly sure how to get back to my room. I retrace my steps, grateful for the staff that keeps all these sconces lit. It takes a bit, but I’m back in familiar territory.
I hear the quiet snick of a door closing and see Finn in the hallway. He’s at a door a couple away from mine, and we make eye contact. He opens his mouth, but then promptly shuts it, going back into what I assume is his room. I huff and stomp down the hall, slamming my door behind me. I don’t care that I’m acting like a child.
After what I saw today, I’ll act however the fuck I want to.
I pace back and forth in my room, trying to blow off steam. First of all, how dare he kiss my head after I just saw him eating some girl out on his desk? Then he thinks he has the right to give me the cold shoulder? Apparently, audacity is also always on sale for men in the goblin realm. Love that for me.
I jump at the sharp knock on my door before it crashes open. Finn slams it shut behind him. I guess I’m not the only one in the mood to slam shit around.
“What the fuck, Finnick? What are-” I don’t get to finish.
“Why the fuck are you leaving, Claudia?” He interrupts me, his voice a mix of mad and hurt.
“What?” Okay, he’s got me. I’m confused. “What are you talking about?”