“He doesn’t have anyone else,” Tean said.
“Except his wife,” Jem said.
Tean’s spine went rigid.
“That was a joke,” Jem said.“That was a bad joke.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“His family—the family he grew up with, I mean—they stopped talking to him after he came out.His friends at work treat him like he’s subhuman.I—”
But Tean stopped.
“You broke his heart,” Jem said.
In the light of that single lamp, it was difficult to tell how much of the change was color rising in Tean’s face and how much was shadow.
“I don’t know what you want me to say to that.”
“Nothing,” Jem said.“It was a stupid thing to say.”
Something in the refrigerator clicked on and began to hum.
Tean got to his feet.“I think I’m going to go to bed.”
“I just don’t know what you think you can do,” Jem said.“He confessed.”
“I’m too tired to talk about this right now.I’m not thinking clearly, and I’m emotional, and I’m—I’m not in control of myself.Can we have this conversation tomorrow?”
Jem couldn’t look Tean in the eye, so he looked at the floor.After a moment, he nodded.
Tean’s footsteps padded toward the back of the house.
“Oh hell,” Jem said and went after him.
Tean stood at the foot of their bed, arms folded across his chest, face a wreck.When he saw Jem, he stiffened—not much, barely more than fresh tension in his shoulders.Jem ignored it.He pulled Tean into a hug, and as the seconds ticked past, Tean slowly relaxed against him.His head drooped, and then, finally, he let himself rest against Jem’s shoulder.
“We’ll figure it out,” Jem said.“It’s going to be okay.We’ll figure something out.”
“I’m sorry,” Tean whispered.
“You don’t have to be sorry.I’m sorry.I’m sorry I was a jackass.”
“You weren’t.This is so unfair of me.I—I hate that I’m doing this to you.But Jem, I honestly don’t know what to do.”
Jem hushed him, ran his hand through that wild hair, and hugged him closer.
They got ready for bed silently.And unlike most nights, Tean didn’t read with the lamp on, and Jem didn’t scroll Instagram.They lay next to each other in the dark.
Jem closed his eyes and focused on his breathing: slow and deep.He imagined his chest rising and falling naturally—
Ammon.
—like he was asleep.But he couldn’t get enough air, and something heavy—
Ammon.